Why Are You Working So Hard to Keep Alcohol in Your Life?
Jun 22, 2026
Why Am I Working So Hard to Keep This in My Life?
A woman in one of my groups asked a question last week that I cannot stop thinking about.
She said, "Why am I working so hard to keep this substance, alcohol, in my life?"
I just sat there for a second. Because most of us never ask that. We ask how can I drink less? How can I moderate better? How can I just have wine with dinner and not go too far? We spend years (sometimes decades if you're like me) doing mental gymnastics trying to figure out how to keep alcohol around without the consequences. Nobody asks why they're fighting so hard to protect it in the first place.
So I'm asking you to ask it. Write it down if you have to. Why am I working this hard to keep alcohol in my life?
Here's why this matters. That question interrupts the whole negotiation cycle. You know the one. I'm not drinking this week. Okay, one drink. Okay, that was a small glass so I'll have another. I won't do that again. Starting Monday for real this time. It's exhausting, and it's the same loop on repeat, the detox retox cycle I talk about all the time.
And when you finally get honest with yourself, you start to notice something. You're not actually protecting the alcohol. You're protecting what you think it gives you. Relief. Connection. A way to celebrate. A way to stop feeling. A way to feel normal. That's the real thing you're defending, not the drink itself.
So then you have to ask, does it actually give you that? Because alcohol is a depressant. It works fast, it gives you that hit of relief in the moment, but there's always backlash. And the more you do it, the more your brain wants you to do it again. That's not a willpower issue. That's just how the drug works. It's designed to create more desire for itself.
I started drinking at 14. I never learned how to socialize without it. I'm socially anxious, believe it or not, even though I can talk on a podcast all day. It took me until my 50s to learn how to be in a room with people and not need a drink in my hand. That's not weakness, that's conditioning, and conditioning can be undone.
This is exactly what my 4R method is built for. Recognize the patterns and beliefs running the show. Replace alcohol with things that actually meet the need. Rewire the neural pathways that keep pulling you back. And renew your relationship with yourself, because that's really what this whole thing is about.
I want to be really clear about something. This question isn't about shame. It's not about labeling yourself or making some big, forever decision. It's just about creating enough space to wonder what else might be possible. Better sleep. Less anxiety. More energy. Tasting your food again at dinner. Actually remembering the night before. That's all on the other side of this.
So if you've been working really hard to keep alcohol in your life, I want you to know you're not broken, and you're not weak. It's chemistry, and chemistry can change.
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