As with most of my highschool friends, I started drinking alcohol when I was 14 years old. It was before a football game with my new group of friends, and alcohol helped me to feel I was fitting in, like I was cool…. Little did I know, using alcohol to fit in would remain with me for the rest of my life. I continued social drinking through college, as well as my early days in the corporate world as a pharmaceutical sales rep. Work Hard & Play Hard was my motto!
My Story...
I started my own personal training business in the mid 1990’s - eventually having my own training & pilates studio on Kent Island, MD. I loved all things health & fitness and even successfully competed in two OCB figure competitions taking 3rd & 2nd places in my age group! As I look back, the first time I linked drinking alcohol to numbing my sadness and trauma was after a series of miscarriages and failed IVF attempts. While all of my friends continued to have babies and grow their families, I struggled with infertility and loss.
People didn't know what to say to me, so I went out of my way to show them I was fine - hiding behind the persona of a weekend party girl! I was actually quite depressed, in a lot of pain, and taking antidepressants….
What is the Detox/Retox Cycle?
I continued to repeat this cycle of weekend binge drinking, followed by cleansing and working out hard during the week to “detox” well into my 50’s, all the while my depression & anxiety was getting worse.
I would often wake up around 3AM after a night of binge drinking...my heart would be racing and my anxiety was through the roof! I was beating myself up for doing it again - even though I promised myself I was only going to have one or two drinks. I would anxiously try to retrace my steps, looking at my phone for evidence of texts or phone calls, trying to desperately remember what happened…did I say or do anything stupid, something I might regret? I would be flooded with shame and self-hatred, and beat myself up for losing control once again. The next day I would swear off alcohol, workout hard, drink cleansing hydrating liquids to try to make up for the damage from the night before, even trying liver cleanses and supplements which promised to counteract the effects of toxins I was pouring into my body.
For the last 10-15 years, I was stuck in this repetitive detox/retox cycle.
The worst part about all of it was I knew I wasn't living a life in alignment with my own personal values & beliefs. This wasn't how I wanted to live! I hid this secret struggle from everyone, but inside I was at war with myself.
I really began to question my drinking about 7 years ago. Google searches for ”Am I an alcoholic?” and online quizzes became more frequent. I would rationalize that as long as I did my workouts, even hungover, and I still tried to be "healthy" - that the alcohol didn't really matter. However, deep down I knew in my spirit this was not who I was meant to be.
There had to be something more...
I found This Naked Mind (TNM) by Annie Grace through one of those Google searches and joined the 30-day alcohol experiment. I only made it 15 days the first time, but the seeds were planted...there was a safe, non-judgmental, non-labeling way out of the detox/retox cycle.
Through TNM methodology and strategies, I was able to learn what alcohol was truly doing to my body, my brain, and my Spirit. Through science backed research, I was able to experience a powerful mindset shift & choose to make alcohol small and irrelevant in my life!
These days I AM A SOBER FIT CHICK & LOVING IT! Truly liberated from alcohol!!
