What Are Your Kids Learning About Alcohol Just by Watching You?
Jul 06, 2026
I grew up serving hors d'oeuvres at my parents' cocktail parties in the 1970s.
I thought it was the coolest thing. Sophisticated adults laughing, drinking. And something got logged in my brain early: this is what grown-ups do. This is how you celebrate. This is how you belong.
Nobody sat me down and told me that. I just watched.
That's the whole point of this week's episode. Because most of the conversations we have about kids and alcohol are focused on the teenage years, on parties and peer pressure and what to say when your kid asks if they can drink. But Sam Straub and Dr. Melissa Wellner, the duo behind the Parenting Shrink Wrapped Podcast, will tell you the messaging starts way earlier than that. Dr. Wellner sees kids as young as three in her practice. And she's already hearing, in their own little words, that mommy needs her wine.
That phrase. Mommy needs her wine. It sounds harmless. It's a meme. But what a young child hears is: when things get hard, you drink. When you're stressed, you drink. That's the coping tool. And they carry that with them.
Here's what I keep coming back to from this conversation. Sam talked about the "power of and." You don't have to go all or nothing with your teenager. You can support their friendships AND hold your values. You can love your kid AND be clear about what you will and won't endorse. You can give them room to navigate peer pressure AND give them the get out of jail free "my parents would kill me" card by actually being the parent who would.
And Dr. Wellner made a point I want every parent to hear: when you say "I know you're going to drink, just call me if you need a ride," you've already given permission. You've made it inevitable. There are kids who haven't decided yet. There are kids who don't actually want to drink but feel pressure to. When you say those words, you close the door on the choice before they've even made it.
The other stat that stopped me cold: kids estimate that around 80% of their peers are drinking. The real number is closer to 25 to 30%. The kids who aren't drinking aren't screaming about it on Snapchat. The kids who are, are. So the volume is skewed, and teens are making decisions based on a distorted picture of what everyone else is doing.
I never learned how to socialize without alcohol. Not until my 50s. That's a skill that gets built in adolescence, and if every social situation involves substances, it never develops. Sam put it really well: by the time you're 25, your social skills might still be 12.
If you're a parent who's reading this and quietly thinking, I'm part of this picture, I want you to know that's not a reason for shame. That's a reason to get curious. The fact that you're asking the question means something. And if you want to talk through what a different relationship with alcohol could look like for you, that's exactly what I do.
🎧 Listen to the full episode of Sober Fit Life.
Connect with Sam and Melissa:
- Sam: teensavvycoaching.com — grab her free guide How to Have a You Screwed Up Conversation with Your Teen plus her LOVED Framework video series
- Dr. Wellner: annapolispsychiatry.com
- Parenting Shrink Wrapped Podcast: available on all major platforms and YouTube
- Email them at [email protected]
💬 Want to learn more about the tools I offer? 👇
Ready to take a closer look? Email me at [email protected] or visit my website to learn more about working together. No white-knuckling. Just science-backed support that actually works.
