It Even Hurts to Smile
Sep 30, 2026
It's Monday morning. You were out with everyone all weekend — dinner Friday, a get-together Saturday, maybe a little Sunday Funday, hoping the mimosas would fix what last night broke. Totally normal stuff... or at least that's what we've all agreed to call it.
You told yourself two drinks, tops. You don't remember when that turned into "just one more" for the fourth time.
Everyone else had a couple of drinks and called it a night. You were the one saying Come on, one more, trying to keep the night going a little longer. And somehow, once again, you were the last one still drinking.
You pick up your phone before you're even out of bed, scrolling back through texts, trying to remember what you said and to whom.
Maybe you're getting the kids to the bus stop, praying nobody notices how tired you look. Maybe you're at your desk, popping breath mints every hour, keeping distance from your coworkers. Maybe you just go back to sleep, hoping to feel like yourself before anyone finds out you don't.
You drag yourself to your training session or your exercise class, thinking maybe I can sweat it out, maybe I can undo the damage. But you feel terrible, and the workout feels extremely hard — not in the good way. Every rep is a reminder, because it's not just in your head — it's literally coming out of your pores. You spend the whole class praying no one clocks it.
Mad at yourself. Frustrated. Beating yourself up with every step.
You answer only the most important emails. You do the things that absolutely have to get done, and you push everything else to Tuesday.
You're trying to make everything look normal from the outside.
Inside, it's a different story.
Your brain won't turn off. Your anxiety is screaming louder than usual. You feel foggy, irritable, and somewhere underneath it all, you know you're not living the way you could be.
So you go into hiding.
And hiding takes so much energy. So much space in your brain — mental real estate you didn't choose to give up, but you're paying for it anyway. You're performing, and performing is exhausting.
By midweek, you're starting to feel better
You're eating again. You're moving your body. You're getting things done. You feel like the version of you that you like.
And then something interesting happens.
You start feeling better, and your mind wanders back to the weekend.
You start rationalizing. I was probably overreacting. That was a one-time thing. I won't do it again. I'll just have one — and this time I'll make sure I eat. Everybody else was drinking like that, weren't they?...
And by the time the weekend actually arrives, you've talked yourself right back into it. Monday comes again, and so do you — tired, hiding, starting over.
Why does this keep happening?
If you've ever asked yourself why you keep repeating something that's costing you so much, you're not alone. And if your answer has ever been I just need more willpower or I need more discipline, you're not alone in that either.
Here's why I know this so well: I did this for decades. Being that out of alignment with who I am — someone who genuinely cares about my health, my fitness, and how I show up for people — was painful. I beat myself up over it, over and over, convinced the problem was some personal weakness I needed to muscle through.
It turns out there's a real psychological phenomenon behind this pattern. It's not a character flaw. Once I understood what was actually happening in my brain, something shifted. The shame and self-blame started to lift, and curiosity took their place.
I get it. I know where you are. That's why I created a free guide: Why You Keep Starting Over Every Monday. It walks through what's actually going on — and why the Monday-you who's sick of herself and swearing this weekend will be different, the Wednesday-you who finally feels human again, and the Friday-you who says "just one," can all look back on the exact same weekend so differently.
Get the free guide here →
If you've been hearing about my 6-Week Alcohol Reset and it hasn't felt like the right fit yet, that's completely okay. This is a lighter place to start. And it's free.
Monday doesn't have to look like this again.
