The Hidden Form of People Pleasing
Feb 02, 2026
The Hidden Form of People Pleasing
For a long time, I thought people pleasing looked a certain way.
Saying yes when you want to say no.
Overextending yourself.
Avoiding conflict at all costs.
What I didn’t realize is that one of the most socially accepted forms of people pleasing is alcohol.
In this episode of Sober Fit Life, I talk about how many of us aren’t drinking because we want to; we’re drinking because it feels easier than disappointing someone, explaining ourselves, or being “different.” Alcohol becomes the shortcut. The social lubricant. The thing that keeps the peace.
And that’s where it gets sneaky.
Drinking to Manage Other People’s Comfort
People pleasing isn’t always obvious. Sometimes it looks like:
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Ordering wine so no one asks questions
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Having “just one” because everyone else is
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Drinking so you don’t seem awkward, uptight, or difficult
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Using alcohol to smooth over your own anxiety in social settings
On the surface, it looks harmless. Normal, even. But underneath it is a quiet pattern of self-abandonment.
You’re not checking in with what you want.
You’re managing how other people might feel.
And the message you send yourself over time is subtle but powerful: My comfort matters less.
The Automatic Thoughts We Don’t Question
What I see again and again — in myself and in the people I coach — is how automatic this behavior is. We don’t consciously think, I’m going to betray myself tonight. We think:
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It’s not a big deal.
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I don’t want to make it awkward.
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I’ll deal with it later.
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Everyone else is doing it.
These thoughts run so fast we rarely question them. But when you slow down and get curious, you start to notice something important: drinking isn’t solving the discomfort — it’s postponing it.
And usually, it comes back stronger.
Curiosity Is the Antidote
Curiosity sounds like:
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What am I actually feeling right now?
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What am I afraid will happen if I don’t drink?
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Is this choice aligned with the person I want to be?
You don’t need to make lifelong declarations. You don’t need to label yourself. You just need to pause long enough to notice when you’re saying yes out of habit instead of honesty.
That pause is powerful.
Choosing Yourself Changes Everything
When you stop drinking to keep the peace, something shifts. You begin to build trust with yourself. You learn that you can survive discomfort. That other people’s reactions aren’t emergencies. That you don’t need to numb yourself to belong.
And the irony? The more you honor yourself, the more grounded and authentic your relationships become.
People pleasing tells us that connection comes from compliance.
Real connection comes from presence.
And that starts when you stop using alcohol to manage other people’s comfort — and start getting curious about your own.
