How to Stop Feeling Like Sh*t: Alcohol, Shame, and Sobriety with Andrea Owen
May 05, 2025
How to Stop Feeling Like Sh*t: Shame, Numbing, and Owning Your Sobriety
In 2018, I stumbled across a book that would quietly—but powerfully—change my life: How to Stop Feeling Like Sht* by Andrea Owen. At the time, I thought I needed business coaching. I was running a business I hated, grieving the loss of my dad, and coping with stress in ways I didn’t want to look too closely at. I filled out Andrea’s intake form, answering every question about my business struggles. But at the very end, when it asked, "Is there anything else you want to tell me?" I typed, "I think I’m drinking too much."
That one sentence cracked something open. And when Andrea sat down with me, she gently pointed to it and said, "Let’s talk about this." For the first time, someone really saw me. Someone wasn’t brushing it off, telling me I was overthinking, or minimizing my concern. She held space. She asked questions. And that moment marked the beginning of a journey I didn’t even know I was ready for.
Fast forward to today, and I had the honor of sitting down with Andrea Owen on Sober Fit Life. We talked about shame. About numbing. About why we turn to alcohol and other coping mechanisms—and how to stop.
Andrea’s own story is powerful. She shared how, years ago, she looked around at a life that checked all the boxes—marriage, career, kids, stability—and still felt something wasn’t right. Drinking had become her way to soften the edges. But underneath was grief, anxiety, and a deep fear of facing it all head-on.
We talked about the myth of control: how perfectionism, people-pleasing, and overachieving are all ways we try to manage life (and avoid pain). And how drinking fits right into that equation. We think alcohol is empowering. We’re sold the story that it makes us confident, sexy, bold. But in truth? It keeps us small. Quiet. Numb.
One thing Andrea said that stuck with me is that sobriety and recovery are not the same thing. Sobriety is the act of not drinking. Recovery is the work we do to understand why we wanted to numb in the first place.
We also talked about the difference between comfort and numbing. A glass of wine can be relaxing—but when it becomes a pattern to avoid, escape, or mute our emotions, it crosses the line into numbing. And the hard truth? You can’t selectively numb. When you numb the pain, you numb the joy, the intuition, the connection, the possibility.
Through it all, Andrea kept coming back to two powerful tools: curiosity and self-compassion. She taught me that curiosity helps loosen the grip of shame. Instead of "What’s wrong with me?" we can ask, "I wonder why I’m feeling this way?" And self-compassion? It’s the antidote to the inner critic who says we’re not enough.
As we wrapped up our conversation, I felt so deeply grateful—for Andrea’s wisdom, for her willingness to tell the truth, and for the reminder that we don’t have to be perfect to heal. We just have to be willing.
If you’re feeling stuck, questioning your drinking, or wrestling with shame, I hope this conversation meets you where you are. There’s no timeline for healing. There’s no perfect path. But there is hope.
You can learn more about Andrea’s work at andreaowen.com and check out her books:
I’m so honored to share this part of my story—and hers—with you.
Listen to the episode here 🎧
Stay curious. Stay compassionate. Stay sober fit.
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