Maureen Benkovich (00:00.659)
Hey everybody, welcome back to Sober Fit Life. I am so excited for my guest today. You sometimes I just meet somebody that is the epitome of Sober Fit Life or my coaching business, Sober Fit Chick. And this is one Sober Fit Chick that I'm gonna introduce you to. So this is Lainey Demeza. She is currently a certified personal trainer whose story is such a powerful example of what can happen when we stop outsourcing our confidence, our health and our identity to alcohol. Lainey was a national championship
athlete in cheer, we're going to hear about that, as a child. But like so many women, her path shifted in high school as she tried to fit in. Alcohol became part of the picture and over time her health and fitness moved to the back burner. So similar to my story, except for the cheer part. After decades of drinking and years of trying to moderate, Laney made the decision to stop drinking, to reclaim her life and rebuild her body right as she was entering perimenopause.
Today she has transformed from what she described as skinny fat to lean, strong and confident. And now she helps other women build strength and take back control of their health. So we're going to talk all about alcohol, identity, perimenopause, fitness, strength training and what it looks like to become someone who no longer needs alcohol to fit in, to cope or feel confident. So Lainey, welcome so much to Sober Fit Life. Thank you for being here.
Px44hcfkbt (01:26.322)
Thank you so much for having me. It's truly an honor to be selected to be on your show. This is fantastic.
Maureen Benkovich (01:32.913)
Yeah, and this is one sober fit chick when I met her. I'm like, wow, look at those muscles. So I really can appreciate this. Laney, will you start with you mentioned you were a national championship athlete as a child. Take us back to that version of you. Who was Laney before alcohol became part of the picture?
Px44hcfkbt (01:36.206)
Thank you.
Px44hcfkbt (01:51.887)
Sure, okay, so back in 1991, and I'm kind of dating myself here, but I grew up in Sunnyvale, California, and I was a part of the Pop Warner Youth Athletic Association, which did tackle football and competitive cheer. So my team, the Rockets, we won first place at Nationals, and it was a pivotal life experience for me.
Maureen Benkovich (02:13.618)
Hey.
Px44hcfkbt (02:18.09)
So there were so many things. mean, we hear about team sports for children and how important they are. And I mean, this was it for me. And this set the trajectory for my life as far as good work ethic, willpower, sticking with something and really just giving something my all. you know, we weren't performing for our parents. We were flying across country competing against
Maureen Benkovich (02:39.411)
Mm.
Px44hcfkbt (02:47.459)
you know, all of these other teams in our age brackets in the nation. So it was a big deal. Yeah, it was amazing.
Maureen Benkovich (02:52.147)
What a cool experience. Yeah, what a cool experience as a young child. I asked Lainey, said, was she the one on the top of the pyramid? Were you?
Px44hcfkbt (02:59.679)
Of course, yes. I stand at only 5'1", and I'm a very petite woman in stature, so I was always the one on top or, you know, close to it.
Maureen Benkovich (03:10.675)
That takes a lot of courage though and a lot of strength. So, and then you talked about you shared that things started to shift in high school. So even though you're this motivated kid, you're a go-getter, you're part of this team, alcohol came into your life, you felt like you were struggling to fit in. When did that start? What do you remember about that?
Px44hcfkbt (03:28.578)
Right, so after I aged out of the program, I started high school and I think that, you know, especially in middle school and high school, we all struggle to fit in. But I was just this really bubbly kid and I had that golden retriever energy and I, you know, it just, I was over eager and I just wanted to fit in and I wasn't fitting in. So I did things to try and help.
myself fit in and being part of the cool club, the cool kids, getting the older boyfriend, doing the things that I wasn't supposed to do, being the rebel, it all fit into how I wanted to see myself as somebody that was cool.
Maureen Benkovich (03:58.963)
Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (04:14.939)
Yeah, and you mentioned that you went at your drinking as hard as you did as a cheerleader. So can you talk about that? You're like, if I'm going to do it, I'm all in.
Px44hcfkbt (04:20.69)
yeah, from the beginning. Yes, well hey, you know, I'm an overachiever. I'm a go-getter. So I applied those same principles to the partying. And that continued, you know, not just after high school, but then into my 20s. And it wasn't until I became a mom that it was like, okay, let's slow down again. But then you've got the mommy wine culture.
Maureen Benkovich (04:28.669)
Yes.
Px44hcfkbt (04:50.434)
that comes into play there too.
Maureen Benkovich (04:50.577)
Yeah, talk about the mommy wine culture a little bit. So now you've transitioned into a mom and alcohol has been with you all along, but you're starting to think about it a little bit. But yet you're influenced again by another peer group, the mommy wine culture.
Px44hcfkbt (04:58.392)
Mm-hmm.
Px44hcfkbt (05:05.356)
Right, sure. But and we go into TJ Maxx and we see all of these signs that are all over the place, know, mommy's juice and you can't have just one and all of these little memes that are these home decor things. And so it's consistently fed into your brain that this is OK. And not only are you sure.
Maureen Benkovich (05:18.503)
Right? Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (05:25.575)
You make it, let me just stop you there. You make a huge point. It was consistently fed into your brain. And this is something I talk about all the time where I ask my clients to give themselves grace and compassion because we are inundated with external messages from marketing, from the big alcohol industry. Those memes, those funny napkins and TJ Maxx are not by accident. And you just nailed it. We were fed that into our brain. So I love that you pointed that out, that you recognize that.
Px44hcfkbt (05:55.66)
Absolutely. And so when that's what you're hearing every day and you're making that decision at five o'clock in the evening after you've just done all of the things that you need to do as a mom and a wife and a career woman and everything else, you're gonna feel like this is what I deserve. I deserve a bottle of wine at the end of the day because that's what you've been told.
Maureen Benkovich (05:59.73)
Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (06:19.388)
Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (06:23.697)
And when did it shift from, deserve this to sort of going, hmm, maybe this is too much, I need to change, but I don't know how, when did that start to happen for you?
Px44hcfkbt (06:34.157)
That was a slow shift for me. I want to say that it was about 2019 that I really started seeing how fat I was getting. And I hate using that term, but let's I was gaining weight. Right. Right. And
Maureen Benkovich (06:37.747)
Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (06:53.691)
You were gaining weight. You were unhappy with your physique. Mm-hmm. Sure.
Px44hcfkbt (07:02.163)
I was starting to not be able to control how much I was drinking. So going into situations where I was like, okay, I'm only going to have this many, or I'm going to start at this time and then I'm going to stop at this time. And it never happened. It was like that off switch was broken.
Maureen Benkovich (07:21.075)
So you're making all these rules, right? You're making all these rules and then you're stepping over your own lines and you're saying the off switch, there was no off switch. You and I are telling the same story. I relate to all of this. So yes, right? And then you start to wonder and you feel bad about it. You're thinking, what's wrong with me?
Px44hcfkbt (07:33.709)
You
Px44hcfkbt (07:41.346)
Right? Right? And there's so much guilt and so much shame and especially that guilt when you wake up in the morning and you go into the kitchen and you see that empty bottle and you're like, ooh, yikes, I did that. And it plays on repeat. It's the detox to retox cycle that you get yourself stuck in, you know, and that's the nature of alcohol.
Maureen Benkovich (07:44.295)
Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (07:55.09)
Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (08:02.77)
Yes.
Yeah, that's right. Creates a desire for itself. Now, were you also, you know, working out to try to make up for it? You're thinking, well, at least I'm showing up, at least I'm sweating it out, at least I'm eating right.
Px44hcfkbt (08:17.549)
those boxes were being checked. Absolutely, yes. And it's funny because they kind of coincide with each other. And that when I started realizing that there was the overconsumption problem, that's when I really dialed up the notch on the fitness to make sure that those boxes were being checked.
Maureen Benkovich (08:19.079)
Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (08:26.994)
Yes.
Maureen Benkovich (08:36.115)
Mm.
Maureen Benkovich (08:41.787)
Right. Sort of punishing yourself, sort of saying, well, if I'm going to do that, I'm going to push myself even harder. And what did you learn from that?
Px44hcfkbt (08:44.619)
Hmm. Right.
Mm-hmm.
Px44hcfkbt (08:52.505)
that's a great question. so, you know, I learned... Excuse me for a minute. I'm sorry.
Maureen Benkovich (09:02.171)
Yeah, you're fine. We can edit anything. Don't worry about it. Yeah, take your time. Yeah, I took you,
Px44hcfkbt (09:05.513)
Okay, thank you. We didn't discuss this before. My son never comes in from school after school when he has baseball and he did today of all days.
Maureen Benkovich (09:17.139)
No from, I'm gonna write it down.
Px44hcfkbt (09:19.906)
Thank you.
Px44hcfkbt (09:29.281)
I am so sorry about that. That was not what normally happens around here.
Maureen Benkovich (09:30.909)
You're all right.
Maureen Benkovich (09:36.371)
Okay, are you ready to start up again?
Px44hcfkbt (09:39.337)
Okay, yes, so we were discussing what I learned from that.
Maureen Benkovich (09:44.507)
Yeah. Trying to punish yourself, trying to work out harder, but still drinking. Did you realize that nothing was changing? What happened?
Px44hcfkbt (09:52.928)
Okay, yeah. You know, so I realized that nothing was changing and that nobody was going to make those changes except for me. And that's when the wheels really started turning. And that's when the moderation really started to be more prevalent in the fact that I was trying to play these games with myself.
Maureen Benkovich (10:16.083)
Mm-hmm.
Px44hcfkbt (10:21.133)
Like, okay, I've got 52 weeks a year. Let me just give myself one day a week per week to drink. So I'm only drinking 52 times a year. It was just crazy stuff. It was ridiculous.
Maureen Benkovich (10:36.199)
Yeah. All the planning, all the mental gymnastics around drinking.
Px44hcfkbt (10:43.303)
so much. Yes.
Maureen Benkovich (10:44.753)
Yeah. so, what did you, like when did you say, I'm done, I wanted something to change? And I know you found coaching, but when did you seek that out? When did you say, I need to get some guidance? And how did that come about?
Px44hcfkbt (10:59.295)
Mm-hmm. So I think that that came about with COVID because COVID created this atmosphere where it was okay to, for everybody else to drink the way that I wanted to drink. And so I really just came out with a bang and it was like, okay. From March when we first got shut down, by the time late May rolled around, I was like, I need something.
Maureen Benkovich (11:11.856)
yeah.
Maureen Benkovich (11:27.197)
right.
Px44hcfkbt (11:27.509)
So I had started listening to sober podcasts and it was then that I found that there are alternatives to your standard programs that you've heard about all of your life. You know, there's alternatives to AA and through these podcasts, I was introduced into this sort of fitness rehabilitative lifestyle instead of as an alternative to the AA groups.
Maureen Benkovich (11:31.101)
Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (11:51.482)
Okay.
Px44hcfkbt (11:55.819)
which, you know, I was really kind of turned off by the whole religious aspect of AA. I knew that wasn't for me. So when I was introduced to the fitness side of this, I was like, bingo, that's it. That's, yes, that is what I want to do.
Maureen Benkovich (12:08.327)
That was your language.
Maureen Benkovich (12:12.915)
Well, I want to go back to when you said you started to listen to podcasts because you use this most interesting phrase and I love it. You talked about changing and shaping your own algorithm by controlling your inputs and one of those was podcast. Can you talk more about that?
Px44hcfkbt (12:26.74)
Absolutely. So one of the things that's going around in social media right now that I absolutely just love is that when you would like to be successful, you surround yourself with four other successful people and you are going to be the fifth. So that's what I did. I surrounded myself. just like infiltrated myself in everything that I wanted to hear to make myself better.
Maureen Benkovich (12:40.563)
Mmm.
Maureen Benkovich (12:44.413)
I that.
Px44hcfkbt (12:52.648)
So in the mornings when I was taking my dog for a walk, I was listening to recovery podcasts. When I decided I want to listen to a book instead, I chose a book that wasn't necessarily like it could have still been a fictional book, but the main characters were getting sober. You know, so it was just this complete immersion into sober life.
Maureen Benkovich (12:58.611)
Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (13:11.451)
Right.
Maureen Benkovich (13:18.673)
You really filtered everything through your decision to want to have a sober lifestyle. And I often share that with people. Everything has to get filtered through. If you want to make this change, you have to ask yourself, is this going to this party going to affect my sober lifestyle that I'm trying to live, my alcohol-free lifestyle? Is that the best thing for me right now? Or watching this show about everybody's drinking on there consistently and I'm watching that every night. Is that what I want to put in my brain?
So your phrase, changing and shaping your algorithm is so perfect, such a great description, and you lived it, you did it.
Px44hcfkbt (13:53.645)
And even on your social media feed. mean, your social media feed is based on what you're talking about, what you're inputting, what the reels that you're watching, the reels that you're liking. So you can literally shift your social media algorithm to show it what you want to see. So do that. Start liking the sober things. Dump all, you know, stop following all of those.
Maureen Benkovich (13:57.171)
Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (14:03.634)
Yes.
Px44hcfkbt (14:23.272)
drunk people reels that you're seeing right and start following some influential people that are out there talking about their experiences with sobriety how it changed their life and follow the tips that they're giving you so that was extremely beneficial for me
Maureen Benkovich (14:26.033)
right, who are glamorizing being drunk.
Maureen Benkovich (14:32.947)
Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (14:45.533)
So smart, so smart. I have a question for you. So in this effort to surround yourself with successful people, people who weren't focusing on alcohol, did you find that you had to let go of some people in some places or things that you used to do?
Px44hcfkbt (15:01.942)
That is a great question. So ultimately, yes. You know, we used to walk over to our neighbor's house every Friday night and hang with everybody. And they were, you know, smoking and drinking and just having a great time. And I tried it a few times and it was fine. I showed up with my non-alcoholic drinks, my mocktails, my beers. I had a good time, but there was a certain point in the night where
I no longer was having a good time because everybody else was becoming intoxicated and it wasn't that I wanted to be there because I was resolved with my own situation and my own decision but it was that these people really aren't as fun as I thought they were.
Maureen Benkovich (15:33.139)
Mm-hmm
Maureen Benkovich (15:50.098)
Yeah, once you've removed yourself from drinking, you start to see it differently. If you were immersed in it with them, you weren't seeing it or feeling it. I felt the same thing. And then I got better at drawing boundaries like, okay, I'm to go to this party early, but I'm probably going to leave by, you know, nine o'clock or something like that. Did you find the same thing for you?
Px44hcfkbt (16:10.924)
Yes, and I think that also it just, you know, drawing boundaries was definitely, you know, even just saying no and flat out not going was was very important. But going back to that, like, I think part of what alcohol does is it lowers your inhibitions and it makes you feel connected to other people. So what are we really seeking when we're going out drinking with our friends and neighbors? We're seeking that connection with other humans.
Maureen Benkovich (16:18.013)
Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (16:35.761)
So good.
Px44hcfkbt (16:40.98)
And so it was not only eliminating that situation where you're drinking and trying to find those connections with other people. It's let's create these new connections with people over here at the gym. Let's find a different community where those connections are not going to be based on alcohol, but they're actually going to base be based on true human connection and experiences. And that's why another reason why.
Maureen Benkovich (16:55.825)
Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (17:02.928)
Right.
Px44hcfkbt (17:09.876)
I promoted the gym and finding your community within the gym.
Maureen Benkovich (17:11.207)
Yeah, yeah.
Maureen Benkovich (17:15.335)
Exactly. And I love that. And because the truth is, are you really connecting when you're drinking alcohol? Is it a connector? the more drinks we have, are we really all there and truly connecting? Maybe the next day you don't even remember the conversations, right? So, yeah.
Px44hcfkbt (17:22.614)
Not.
Px44hcfkbt (17:31.596)
That's exactly what I was about to bring up. Is it really a connection if you can't remember what you connected on?
Maureen Benkovich (17:39.067)
Right. So now you've found this tribe and we're going to get to your place. We definitely want to get to that. But you have said so many clever things when we met and started talking. You said rock bottom is simply when you stop digging. Again, just love that. Can you tell me how that phrase came into being? Your phrase, your mantra.
Px44hcfkbt (17:59.044)
Sure. Well, it is song lyrics, so I do have to give credit where credit is due, where I heard them. But I think that, you know, gray area drinking looks different for everybody. And now I did not drink myself into a homeless situation. I did not drink myself into financial peril. I did not ruin my marriage. I am still a great mother. So it doesn't have to look like that for everybody.
Maureen Benkovich (18:04.072)
Yeah.
Maureen Benkovich (18:11.208)
Mm-hmm.
Px44hcfkbt (18:26.395)
And you don't have to be at the depths of your despair to make a decision to change. You have to just pay attention to the things in your life that you don't want to have happen anymore. One of the biggest things was that detox to retox cycle. I was so disappointed in myself every time I made that trip to the liquor store at 5 p.m. You know, so...
Maureen Benkovich (18:34.513)
Yes.
Maureen Benkovich (18:41.159)
Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (18:48.146)
Yes.
Maureen Benkovich (18:52.509)
Yeah. So you were being aware, you were no longer mindlessly drinking. You really started to think, is this in alignment with my values and who I want to be and how I want to show up? And I think it's so important what you're saying, how you want to look. Absolutely. And I think this is important, everything you're saying, because you were still running a business, a mom, showing up, doing all the things.
Px44hcfkbt (19:06.835)
and how I want to look.
Maureen Benkovich (19:18.727)
And a lot of people get hung up on because we've been conditioned to think that unless you hit a rock bottom that looks like what we see in the movies, you've lost everything, then there's no reason to reevaluate your relationship with alcohol. But you're saying, and you got this from these song lyrics and really lived it, rock bottom is simply when you stop digging. Like, why do we think we have to keep digging to rock bottom before we need to reevaluate? And you flipped that and you said, I don't need to keep going. can...
Px44hcfkbt (19:44.799)
right?
Maureen Benkovich (19:46.693)
Stop now and make some changes. Yeah.
Px44hcfkbt (19:50.156)
And I was seeing some people crumble around me, their lives crumble. You we even actually lost a friend to alcoholism. And it was just watching all of this going on and saying like, this is where it stops. This is where I take control of my future. Because, and this is, you had asked about, you know, the mantra and...
Maureen Benkovich (20:12.947)
Mm-hmm. Yes.
Px44hcfkbt (20:16.517)
One of the things that I kept playing through my brain was, I'm just not giving up. The woman that I'm going to be in a few years from now is counting on me.
Maureen Benkovich (20:27.847)
Yeah, so good.
Px44hcfkbt (20:30.399)
and nobody else is going to do this work for me. I have to do this now or I'm going to dig myself deeper because each week was a deeper dig. Even if I wasn't drinking as much, I mean that's how alcoholism or alcohol works.
Maureen Benkovich (20:47.773)
Right? It creates a desire for itself and it acts on your brain chemistry and it changes your brain chemistry to want more and need more. I love what you just said. And you talked about, you know, you made this change during entering perimenopause and that would be a challenging time. And I think our audience would love to hear that because a lot of people get stuck on, well, I need to be drinking right now because I feel so terrible or I'm,
Px44hcfkbt (20:50.827)
Right.
Px44hcfkbt (20:55.979)
Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (21:16.241)
This is my comfort. This is how I relax. I can't relax because perimenopause is a tough time to be in in life. And I'm in menopause, so I can tell you it doesn't get any better. But can you talk about how you made that change during perimenopause and why that sort of stood out for you?
Px44hcfkbt (21:32.651)
Well, when you're in the throes of perimenopause and your drinking career, you don't want to actually admit that your mood swings could be because of the alcohol too. And they're just exacerbated by these hormonal changes. And it wasn't until I got to the other side of sobriety that I realized, whoa, okay, these mood swings aren't as bad when my body is regulated.
Maureen Benkovich (21:45.811)
Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (21:53.191)
That's important.
Maureen Benkovich (22:02.983)
does everybody hear that? That is so key. That is so key. Yes. You had better emotional regulation. You were noticing that.
Px44hcfkbt (22:13.301)
better emotional regulation. We hear about waking up at three o'clock in the morning in perimenopause because of these sleep cycle irregularities. Well, guess what's contributing to that sleep cycle irregularity when you're drinking, you know, when those alcohol sugars wear off and you're up, you know, and everybody tells you, you're going to sleep so much better after you quit drinking. And this is really funny because this
Maureen Benkovich (22:25.885)
That's right.
Maureen Benkovich (22:41.011)
Mm-hmm.
Px44hcfkbt (22:42.025)
happened to me and I didn't expect it. Like, okay, so we hear, yes, you're going to sleep better. And yes, that happened. But what I did not expect was that I would sleep better and so good, I could not wake up in the morning. And nobody warned me about that when I stopped drinking. It's like, they say, you're gonna sleep so good, you're gonna wake up with all of this energy. No!
Maureen Benkovich (22:57.176)
you couldn't wake up.
Px44hcfkbt (23:08.081)
I could have slept until noon that first month. Maybe even the first like eight weeks in the mornings were really tough.
Maureen Benkovich (23:15.985)
Yeah, I think that in the first month to eight weeks, your body's healing and you actually need that sleep. And did you find over time, even that started changing, became an early morning riser naturally. Yeah, that is usually the path it goes. Yeah. Yes.
Px44hcfkbt (23:28.319)
Yes, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, it regulates, you shift out of that, you move on from that stage, but that was definitely something I didn't expect.
Maureen Benkovich (23:39.432)
Yeah, there's a lot of recalibration that's going on in your body when you remove alcohol. It's not instant that you have instant better sleep, you know, or instantly you lose weight or instantly your gut gets better if that was a problem during drinking. This takes time because alcohol is damaging and your body's been trying to counteract it all these years, decades. So it takes time. So it makes sense those first eight weeks you were sleeping hard because your body was healing. But after that,
you started to regulate and calibrate and probably became, like I said, an early morning person, which I was so surprised when that happened to me.
Px44hcfkbt (24:16.746)
Yeah. And going to bed early too. You know, I, well, in all honesty, I used to go to bed at eight 30 at night because I would drink too much and pass out. And now I go to bed at eight 30, nine o'clock at night because I want to, you know, because I'm yes, because I want to get my sleep. I want to wake up in the morning. I want to go to the gym. I want to, you know, get my day started and, I can much easily, you know, much easier wake up now.
Maureen Benkovich (24:19.271)
Yeah.
Maureen Benkovich (24:26.151)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (24:31.059)
because you want to.
Maureen Benkovich (24:45.009)
Yeah, yeah. So let's talk about skinny fat to lean and strong and going to the gym. And I know you want to give a shout out to your specific gym. So let's talk about all that. You start going to the gym, you're being dedicated to that, you're finding your tribe there. What did that look like going from skinny fat to lean and strong and eventually a personal trainer?
Px44hcfkbt (24:46.312)
easily.
Px44hcfkbt (24:51.635)
Okay.
Px44hcfkbt (25:02.569)
Yes.
Px44hcfkbt (25:07.47)
Right. So, you know, what I've liked to say is that consistency beats intensity every single time. so, you know, just showing up, you know, there was that big overlap, of course, when I was still drinking when I had started showing up to the gym, although
Maureen Benkovich (25:17.127)
You are full of these good sayings.
Maureen Benkovich (25:23.441)
Mm-hmm.
Px44hcfkbt (25:33.35)
We all know the physiology of that. I was not getting the gains that I really should have been at the time because the alcohol was preventing my body from performing and, you know, doing what it needed to do to build that muscle. I'm So there was that overlap. But then, of course, once I stopped drinking, then I really started seeing the gains at that point. And
Maureen Benkovich (25:47.077)
Right, muscle protein synthesis, yeah.
Maureen Benkovich (25:58.772)
Can you tell for audience who what do you mean by gains?
Px44hcfkbt (26:06.443)
Okay, so gains meaning that the size of my muscle was increasing at the same time that my body fat percentage was decreasing. So giving you that lean toned look. Now a lot of women say I don't want a bulk, you know, and they come to me as far as fitness and we can get into how my sobriety led to me becoming a certified personal trainer. But I hear a lot of
Maureen Benkovich (26:17.565)
You were getting lean.
Yes.
Px44hcfkbt (26:34.288)
my female clients say, I don't want to book. Don't worry, you're not going to. I've been trying to for years. It's a process. But again, the consistency is so important when you're just starting out, you know.
Maureen Benkovich (26:39.635)
Yeah
Right.
Maureen Benkovich (26:50.055)
Yeah. And when you're drinking, that interferes with your consistency because sometimes you're hungover and sometimes, you know, you don't feel good, right? So you found a big difference in your consistency. And then when we removed alcohol, the consistency just really starts to get like a natural thing and you want to go there. You want to work out. You want to show up 100%.
Px44hcfkbt (26:58.292)
Right.
Px44hcfkbt (27:09.918)
Right, right. And your brain is not foggy in the morning and you can really dial in and make sure that you are doing every exercise to its fullest potential.
Maureen Benkovich (27:15.73)
Mmm.
Maureen Benkovich (27:24.177)
Right. Not just checking a box. Yeah, I used to show up with my trainer and I would smell like alcohol.
Px44hcfkbt (27:26.57)
Correct, not just checking a box.
Px44hcfkbt (27:31.679)
Well.
Maureen Benkovich (27:32.466)
Yeah. And we had this talk later that he told me, he's like, you weren't fooling anybody, you know, but I thought, I thought I was, but no. And I couldn't wait to get home and just lay down because I felt horrible instead of being energized or feeling accomplished. It was like, okay, at least I did that. Yeah. And I think that's where a lot of women are stuck. But so you started to see these gains yourself and then,
Px44hcfkbt (27:36.138)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Px44hcfkbt (27:49.908)
Great.
Px44hcfkbt (27:57.662)
Yes. Yes.
Maureen Benkovich (27:59.282)
You were gaining confidence in the gym. Now you've got a tribe there. What is the name of your gym?
Px44hcfkbt (28:03.027)
Right. Of Royal Fitness, it's in Barrington, New Jersey. I love it. I've been a member there since 07, so, you know, 19 years, and it just has created a fantastic sense of community. And that's really what I recommend to people and women that are getting started is build your community within the gym.
Maureen Benkovich (28:19.133)
Mm-hmm. Me too.
Px44hcfkbt (28:26.41)
Because when you build your community within the gym, when you make friends in your gym, you are building accountability. Because when you don't show up to either the Pilates class or whatever you're doing, if somebody is used to seeing you on a daily basis, like, hey, where have you been? And it provides you with that encouragement to get there and knowing that you're going to see friends when you go. So I always encourage
Maureen Benkovich (28:33.031)
Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (28:49.042)
Absolutely.
Yeah, yeah. Now there is that contingent in the gym, I will say, as a former fitness instructor, and I was one of these people who'd be leading the class and saying, hey, you can work off your wine or hey, you can sweat it out now so you can go to happy hour. I mean, obviously I've changed my verbiage, but there's that is there is still that contingent in the gym, right? Or after you do a 5k, what's always at the finish line? Beer, alcohol, right? So there is still that in the fitness world.
Px44hcfkbt (29:06.239)
You
Px44hcfkbt (29:10.89)
Mm-hmm.
Px44hcfkbt (29:14.996)
there.
Maureen Benkovich (29:18.397)
The whole detox-retox cycle is very prevalent there. So finding your tribe that is more in line with your way of thinking too, just to further hone it down.
Px44hcfkbt (29:29.726)
Right. The funny thing about royal fitness is back in the eighties, there was a bar in the gym. Yes. But you're absolutely right. But where do you go in America that you're not finding alcohol mixed in with societal norms? Nowhere.
Maureen Benkovich (29:35.891)
How times have changed. my gosh.
Maureen Benkovich (29:42.803)
Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (29:51.892)
Nowhere. It's everywhere. It is everywhere. And you bring such a good point up. I was coaching a client recently. She said, well, I'm going to my child's school fair. And so there probably won't be alcohol there because we were talking about making a plan. I said, just assume there will be alcohol everywhere, even at a kid's art fair. And sure enough, she called me that night. She said, you're never going to believe there was like a tree of champagne glasses for the adults to get. Yes, it's everywhere. So you are 100 % right. We can't hide.
Px44hcfkbt (30:20.189)
Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (30:21.777)
Right? We can't isolate. We just need to know what we want for ourselves, what you want. Like you said, you knew it was interfering with your values. So you made a decision no matter when you're surrounded by alcohol that you didn't want to have it anymore.
Px44hcfkbt (30:35.781)
Right. And that came from immersing myself into the quit literature, the podcasts, everything and friends too. Just listening to my friends that were getting sober because there were a lot of people that I was running into, clients.
Maureen Benkovich (30:43.24)
Yes.
Px44hcfkbt (30:53.735)
You know, I'm a photographer full time, so I specialize in real estate photography. And I had run into one of my agents who I had even vacationed with years prior to. So she and I were friends. I had not seen her in a while and she looked fantastic. said, my gosh, Deidre, what are you doing? She's like, I quit drinking. I haven't been drinking for seven months. my gosh, that's amazing. Like, you know, there was, there was inspiration there. So just.
Maureen Benkovich (30:54.899)
Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (31:19.867)
Yeah. I love the enthusiasm too, that she said, I quit drinking and you know, she's saying it. Yeah.
Px44hcfkbt (31:25.385)
Yes. Yeah, and really just then making sure that I'm gravitating towards her a little bit more, you know, and just really just feeding off of the energy of those people around you.
Maureen Benkovich (31:33.543)
Mm-hmm, yes.
Maureen Benkovich (31:39.444)
100%. You're right. If you surround yourself with five people that are drinking every night, you'll get pulled in that direction. If you surround yourself with people who are working out, who are fitness focused, who are nutrition oriented, who want to get better. And I also love how you said you thought about your future self, you know, who are thinking future forward. What do want my next five years to look like in my 60s, 70s? That was such a great perspective shift that you mentioned. I wanted to bring that up. You also mentioned you had a mantra, a phrase.
Px44hcfkbt (32:00.893)
Great.
Maureen Benkovich (32:08.627)
Can you share that?
Px44hcfkbt (32:09.29)
Yes, that was actually the one that we had talked about in that I'm just not giving up the woman that I'm going to be in a few years is counting on me. Yes. Mm hmm. Yeah. So and that was on repeat. mean, that was actually on my phone wallpaper because every time I went into my phone, I wanted to see that and just have that as a reminder that nobody's going to do this. You need to do this.
Maureen Benkovich (32:12.561)
Okay.
Yeah, the future self thinking. Okay. Yeah.
Px44hcfkbt (32:36.859)
And that was also in not only with the stopping drinking, but that rolled over into the fitness lifestyle too. Because you are not going to be in the health that you want to be at if you don't make it to the gym. If you give up now, you're not gonna have those muscles. You're not gonna, you're gonna be the woman in the nursing home that's in the wheelchair. And I don't wanna be that person for my child.
Maureen Benkovich (32:51.731)
That's right.
Maureen Benkovich (32:55.811)
Mm-hmm. That's right.
Maureen Benkovich (33:03.837)
Yes.
Px44hcfkbt (33:05.947)
I don't want to be that person for my spouse and I want to live a long and healthy life.
Maureen Benkovich (33:10.739)
I love that. So did you in your future self vision when you first started thinking that way envision she would become a personal trainer who's inspiring other women?
Px44hcfkbt (33:20.239)
No, no, it was not on the radar whatsoever. But I seem to have a habit of turning all of my passions into work, which is great because, you know, when you love what you do, you don't work a day in your life. But then you're also turning things that are passions into careers. So you're always working then at that point. But no, you know what? It wasn't until I got sober and then I had the time because I wasn't drinking.
Maureen Benkovich (33:47.783)
Mm-hmm.
Px44hcfkbt (33:49.597)
So I had the time to study and do all of the work that was required to get the certification to become the personal trainer and really just, yeah.
Maureen Benkovich (33:56.84)
Yeah, let me just focus on what you said because that's huge. We don't realize until we're on the other side of alcohol how much thinking about drinking, planning around drinking, feeling bad about our drinking, how much time it actually took. And you just said something so key, once you stopped drinking, you had time to do this accomplishment, to study and to get a certification and reach your goal of being a personal trainer. We don't realize until we're on the other side of alcohol how much time it actually took up, right?
Px44hcfkbt (34:26.718)
Right?
Maureen Benkovich (34:27.355)
Yeah, it's not just like the moments when you're imbibing, it's all the thought process around it before and after and the angst and everything. So you remove that and you freed up all this mental real estate to focus on being a personal trainer.
Px44hcfkbt (34:42.409)
Right. And the planning and the money too. You know, I've actually, have a counter that counts my days and my productivity hours and everything like that, including the money that I've saved. I've saved over $15,000 in a matter of 620 days of not drinking. Yeah. Yeah. What could you do with $15,000? Yeah.
Maureen Benkovich (34:44.931)
Mm-hmm. How the money? Yeah.
Maureen Benkovich (35:04.463)
Wow, $15,000. That's right. That's right. You've done so many smart things, so many accountability things and even, and this helps motivate you, right? To see that, to see how much money you have saved. Yeah.
Px44hcfkbt (35:12.071)
That is a lot of spa days.
Px44hcfkbt (35:23.131)
Absolutely, big motivating factor is to see the progression of how far have I come? And it's not just getting there and then looking back like, yeah, I've come a long ways. That's being able to see that and do that check-in on a regular basis because that keeps you going.
Maureen Benkovich (35:36.285)
Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (35:39.922)
Yes. Yeah. Well, I've done exactly what you said. I've turned my passion for helping other people, you know, realize they can change their relationship with alcohol into a business. And I love it. I do love it. You're right. It doesn't feel like work to me because I love meeting people like you and having people have aha moments and seeing that they can be empowered and change their life and reach goals that they never even thought about before. So you were just an amazing embodiment of SoberFit Chick. I love it.
Px44hcfkbt (35:49.789)
Mm-hmm.
Px44hcfkbt (36:02.729)
100%.
Thank you.
Maureen Benkovich (36:07.387)
I wanted to ask you because you asked me about this. What did you find was the unexpected result of getting sober, of ditching booze?
Px44hcfkbt (36:19.13)
There's been so many, I mean...
Well, the one thing that I really found that was unexpected was that sleeping in that we had discussed. But just having the time, having the money and just losing the brain fog was one of the biggest things. And I didn't, you don't know when you're in it that you're experiencing that brain fog. But once your head clears up,
Maureen Benkovich (36:36.691)
Mm-hmm.
Px44hcfkbt (36:53.339)
That was a big thing for me.
Maureen Benkovich (36:56.507)
Yeah, a lot of times, especially in perimenopause or menopause, women are like, well, this brain fog is just part of where I am in this stage of life. But really, the alcohol is a massive contributor to that. So that was one of the things that surprised you, that you didn't have to live with that.
Px44hcfkbt (37:08.239)
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Right. I didn't realize it was really even occurring at the time. And so when it lifted, I was like, and of course it wasn't an overnight thing. But it was a delightful surprise.
Maureen Benkovich (37:16.242)
Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (37:28.689)
Yeah, I still, I'm almost five years now, I still have ahas and surprises and things I look on and think, I'm so glad I'm not drinking anymore. You know, it still amazes me. Yeah, you're, you're such a motivational story. I love that you're showing women that alcohol freedom is not just about what you remove, but it's about what you rebuild. And you are the living example of that. Yeah. So I like to always.
Px44hcfkbt (37:38.985)
Mm-hmm.
Px44hcfkbt (37:51.719)
Yes.
Thank you.
Maureen Benkovich (37:57.21)
and my podcast, and I think I kind of know, but what do do, Lainey, to be sober fit in your life? And that could be physical, mental, emotional, all of it. What do you do now to be sober fit?
Px44hcfkbt (38:08.753)
Lift heavy. Yes, and especially with women in the age group that I'm at, perimenopause, it's so important for us to be lifting heavy weights, resistance training, these two, three, five pound dumbbells, throw those away. Let's get in the gym. Let's create some stronger bone density, some more skeletal muscle. Let's keep our bodies intact, feeling young.
Maureen Benkovich (38:09.639)
lift heavy.
Maureen Benkovich (38:18.237)
Mm-hmm.
Px44hcfkbt (38:38.108)
looking young and prevent ourselves from, you know, feeling old. Older. Right.
Maureen Benkovich (38:39.816)
Yes.
Maureen Benkovich (38:45.683)
Prematurely aging, alcohol is one of the major prematurely aging factors that we can remove. We have a choice. And then it opens up a whole other world for you. Well, you mentioned your photography. Can you tell us a little bit about that? It's with drones, right? Is that what you do? That is cool.
Px44hcfkbt (38:53.607)
Right?
Px44hcfkbt (39:02.232)
Yeah, yeah, so I am a photographer. I specialize in real estate photography, so I'm also a licensed drone pilot and I just really offer all things real estate related, which has served me great. You know, especially when I was raising my son, you know, nobody gets married on a Tuesday, so real estate photographer was a perfect fit for me.
Maureen Benkovich (39:28.199)
Interesting.
Px44hcfkbt (39:29.608)
and going into people's homes and, you know, helping them stage and get ready and just really helping them make a life transition. It's not just the fitness that I do that with. It's also the photography because I'm helping somebody make a life transition with that as well.
Maureen Benkovich (39:42.845)
Yeah.
Maureen Benkovich (39:48.786)
I love that. That's so interesting. And so do you find you're even now more efficient and better in your photography and running your business now on the other side of alcohol?
Px44hcfkbt (39:58.184)
100%. I can make it up the stairs like this, where, you know, with all of my gear in hand, whereas before I found myself huffing and puffing and grunting and groaning as I'm trying to haul everything. It's just a lot easier for me these days.
Maureen Benkovich (40:02.279)
You
Maureen Benkovich (40:14.919)
Yeah, it really is easier just not drinking, I think, you know, just saying, no, I don't drink anymore. And it feels very empowering. Do you find that to be the case?
Px44hcfkbt (40:19.378)
Mm-hmm.
Px44hcfkbt (40:26.344)
very empowering. And you know, very empowering being able to go somewhere and know that I am not going to make a fool of myself.
Maureen Benkovich (40:41.422)
yeah, that is very freeing.
Px44hcfkbt (40:42.672)
and going somewhere and knowing that I'm going to be able to drive myself home.
Maureen Benkovich (40:47.955)
Yes, yes, all these benefits. You are incredibly inspiring, beautiful, fit, strong, smart. I love everything you're sharing. I'm so glad we met. We were introduced by a mutual friend and I thank you so much for coming on. If you live in New Jersey, can you tell Lainey where you are a personal trainer if people want to come find you?
Px44hcfkbt (40:51.314)
So many.
Px44hcfkbt (41:10.926)
Yes, so I train at SmartBodies in Marlton and you can find me on Instagram, LainieLaineDameza and just reach me there as far as personal training sessions. But if you're just looking to hang out and have a friend, you can find me at Royal Fitness in Barrington.
Maureen Benkovich (41:14.888)
Okay.
Maureen Benkovich (41:28.699)
Royal Fitness in Barrington and also your photography is again, can you say the name?
Px44hcfkbt (41:33.584)
Yes, it's Lainey, lainephotography.com. You can go to my website and you can reach out to me there.
Maureen Benkovich (41:40.187)
Okay. Anything else you want to share with our Sober FitLife audience, Lainey?
Px44hcfkbt (41:44.6)
Maureen, thank you so much for having me. There's nothing else. You covered everything. This is such a pleasure being interviewed by you.
Maureen Benkovich (41:50.789)
It was a pleasure. Thank you. So glad we met. Thank you, Lainey, for being a sober fit chick.
Px44hcfkbt (41:56.201)
Thank you.
