Michael (00:36.909)
Hey, Maureen, thanks for having me today.
Michael (00:51.123)
Yeah, I'd say that I wasn't like a big drinker typically during the week, maybe one night during the week on a weekday. And sometimes that one night, maybe once a month, every other month could have got a little bit more out of hand depending on what event I was at, if it was a work event or just hanging out with friends or in the neighborhood, which would lead to a not so great morning on a weekday when we had to be productive with work and kids in the mix.
But on weekends, Friday, Saturday, one, two nights was not uncommon. Even Sundays, I would say that on one of those weekend nights or multiple nights sometimes.
Michael (01:43.315)
All right, that's all right. I understand.
Maureen Benkovich (01:59.437)
All right, you're still there. I do not know what happened. It just said your recording has stopped. Okay. What did you again? We've switched positions for some reason. All right, now it says recording is higher quality. I don't know what that was. Okay, gonna do it again from the top. Hey everybody, welcome back to Sober Fit Life. I am so excited today to have Michael Levens on.
Michael (02:05.043)
Thank you.
Michael (02:08.595)
He just went to the other side of my screen. Yeah, yeah, was like, wait, how did you just pop them on that side?
Michael (02:17.938)
Okay.
Maureen Benkovich (02:24.153)
one of my coaching clients. And today is an episode that's a behind the scenes look at what happens when a high performing, busy professional starts getting curious about his drinking and asking himself the honest questions. Like would drinking less or not at all actually improve different areas of my life? And Michael is gonna share exactly what shifted for him, what worked and what his life looks like now. And I so appreciate him coming on and sharing his story with all of you. So let's...
Dive in. Michael, thank you so much for being here.
Michael (02:56.051)
Yeah, I'm excited to be here and share my journey so far.
Maureen Benkovich (03:00.741)
Yeah, great. Well, let's go back and start with what was your relationship like with alcohol before you called me for coaching? What prompted you to make that call? What did it look like?
Michael (03:11.987)
Well, I really liked alcohol, I'll say that, and it was definitely part of my life in many ways, especially socially. Just to put it in perspective or context about how I drank, when I drank, I'll say during the week it was more minimal, maybe one night during the week night. And typically one or two, whether it's beer, wine, or cocktail, but there were times where that maybe one night a week, could have been two nights a week.
And they could have got a little out of hand, a little excessive and drank too much and felt the impact the next morning, which definitely had many ripple effects across my productivity at work, my temper within the house with the kids and even more. But that's typically a weekday look at it. And I would say the excess may have happened, you know, on average once or twice a month during a weekday and weekends.
Maureen Benkovich (04:08.305)
Mm-hmm.
Michael (04:11.475)
It's a different story. would say most weekends, if not both nights, definitely one night, sometimes even on Sundays, especially maybe during football season, drinking happened more than the normal weekday drinking. certainly drank a couple beers.
Maureen Benkovich (04:28.389)
Yeah, I was like that too. I get it. Yeah, would you say it was like, I'm sorry, would you say it was like a reward? Like I worked hard all week and here's the weekend and let's just let loose kind of thing.
Michael (04:41.565)
Yeah, Fridays felt like that. I got home, take a deep breath and say, you know what? I'm have a few drinks. And a couple of drinks led to a couple more. It could have been started with a cocktail, then a couple of beers and whatever else was flowing that night. And that could carry into Saturday. But I would say that I definitely drank in excess and felt the effects. In the moment, it was great. I was having fun. I was happy. was with my wife or friends.
and enjoying the time, right? It was always fun. It wasn't like it was something I always felt like I was forced to do. was by choice, but it definitely impacted my productivity, just my overall well-being. I started feeling that for many years. I would say I started questioning that.
Maureen Benkovich (05:24.464)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah. When did the fun start to change? What was there a certain incident or something that happened that made you think, you know, I got to take a look at this?
Michael (05:36.488)
Yeah, there's definitely one incident, but I think before that incident, I was flirting with the idea like, do I drink too much? Do I have a problem? Start thinking about some of the bad choices, not like major bad choices, but for example, oversleeping or just wishing away the day because I was so hungover and I couldn't wait to get to Saturday night to go to bed, which that's no way to move forward. So I would question it like drinking is always like the common denominator.
Again, what can I do to change this? Best thoughts would pass. Maybe I could take a couple of days off here and there, maybe a weekend, but nothing significant. And so I know I'm fine. I didn't drink last weekend. I'm good. I feel great. I work out, get rid of all that toxicity in my body, sweat it all out. I felt awesome. But what really led me to this was an incident just over five months ago now. I think about exactly when, where I...
I celebrate a little too much. overdrag way too much to the point where the night gets blurry. I was staying out away from my house. I was at a golf event and I was in hotel. I don't even remember going to sleep and waking up well past the time I was supposed to be playing around in a tournament. And I felt...
awful. I couldn't even feel, I was severely hungover. I couldn't even feel awful about letting people down. was more I felt awful in my body, my brain. I felt like I hurt my brain and I felt nauseous. I was like, somehow mustered the energy to get there. Out of 18 holes, I probably got there when they were on 13. So incredibly late. I let my partner down.
that I was playing with that day. I let my wife down because she was so worried that she couldn't get in touch with me because my phone was off, which is normal, but I wasn't awake even though she was calling. So it me really think like, this is no way for me to behave. Not at my age, not at any age for that matter, but where I'm in life, I didn't like it. It didn't align with my values and who I want to be and who I strive to be.
Maureen Benkovich (07:56.144)
Yeah, you just said a key thing there. And I know that was my waking up point too, like, wow, this is so out of alignment with the person I want to show up to be. And that is not a good feeling when you're living out of alignment with your values.
Michael (08:09.875)
Yeah, you feel, I felt guilt, I felt bad, I felt like I let people down and that's the last thing I want to do in life. You know, that happens, but it's something I can control when I intake. fear, you know, change is necessary. And I didn't know what that change was. I had no idea, but I know my wife was not happy with me, right? So we talked through this and then your name popped up.
Maureen Benkovich (08:13.115)
Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (08:29.809)
Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (08:36.261)
Yeah, that's kind of a funny story. Can you just like briefly say how we even met?
Michael (08:41.117)
Yeah, it was about a year prior to that event. I was on vacation with my wife in Lake Tahoe. I was taking a gym class on site at the facility. I recall being in this class. I remember a minimal number of attendees in this class with a personal trainer leading it and hearing maybe a conversation between you and the trainer who definitely had fumes of...
Maureen Benkovich (09:09.243)
who definitely was hungover. Yeah.
Michael (09:11.131)
a pretty wild night the night prior. And I felt like I heard you say something about that or she mentioned that I'm hungover from drinking and you made mention what you did. I didn't think too much of it, but I believe I saw you another time and said, I told my wife, like, woman's in my gym class. Interesting, which I hear, I think, which I heard she does. And then I think maybe she, my wife is a curious person. So she probably looked at me and was like, interesting. She's a, she's practiced therapy. So she thought that was.
Maureen Benkovich (09:18.256)
Mm-hmm.
Michael (09:40.788)
an interesting line of work and that was it. That was it. So fast forward. A year later, as we're discussing that, was like just beside myself and upset with myself. I let myself down, most importantly. I let others down. I was like, I don't want to just say I'm going to not do this for a certain amount of time. I did make comments like, I'm not going to touch anything for 30 days. See how that goes. meanwhile, she brought up your name, sent me the link. I did some research and...
Maureen Benkovich (09:44.837)
And then a year later...
Michael (10:10.899)
Then we started our sessions. That's basically how it happened.
Maureen Benkovich (10:12.911)
Yeah. And when you came to me, that's basically what you said. I want to take a break, but you wanted to do it differently because having a coach led break is much different than just willpowering yourself not to drink for 30 days. You you can make yourself do that, but not learn anything, not grow, not change, not understand what alcohol is really doing. But you were so open. You wanted to learn. You wanted to do it differently. And so we started coaching. But I remember, and it was the time when you're like, okay, I'm going to do this.
but I have this football game coming up with my friends and it was almost like 35, 40 days away from when we started. And you would use the words like, I'm worried about that. And I would say, let's just come back, come back to where we are now, week one, let's just focus here and we'll think about that because you might have a different feeling by the time you get to those days, right? With your friends, your college friends going to this big game. tell me,
your version, so because you were, that was sort of out there like as your goal of when you were going to go back to drinking. So what transpired as we worked together over the 30, 35 days?
Michael (11:18.611)
Yeah, that event, the traveling for that football game was, at the time I didn't realize it, but it was causing me a lot of anxiety because I think it was outside of my 30 day window that I committed to for myself and even you. said, I only need 30 days. That's time. It did this. And I was nervous about it. I was like, after 30 days? This is maybe 40 days out. And that can be a crazy weekend. Three days away, we're going to see the Eagles go birds, playing in Green Bay at Lambeau Field.
Maureen Benkovich (11:27.089)
Mm-hmm.
Michael (11:48.146)
lot of excitement, again, three nights. But I think within that 30 days, what kept grounding me was staying in the moment and progressing through the course. Because each lesson, each session built upon itself. And in between that, I think we maybe met weekly or every 10 days or so. I did the work. There was some.
Maureen Benkovich (11:59.249)
Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (12:05.713)
Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (12:09.371)
Yes.
Maureen Benkovich (12:14.287)
You did.
Michael (12:15.239)
some worksheets or things that read or podcasts to listen to, I took it serious. I made the investment in working with you. You were investing your time in me and I really wanted to get the most out of this. So I took it serious. I came prepared. I did things. I came with questions. I was always curious and open to your personal experiences and your advice throughout the journey.
Maureen Benkovich (12:20.336)
Yes.
Maureen Benkovich (12:39.685)
Yeah, and I just want to stop there because I just want to explain to everybody. So I have a course, it's a six-week course online and you get small bite-sized videos every day to sort of take in and digest and as Michael says, the modules, week one, module two through six, all build on each other. So, and it's all about really neuroplasticity, about starting to get more informed about alcohol from a physiological standpoint, an emotional standpoint, all the associations we've made with alcohol.
and learning how to unwind those things without shame or guilt or labels. And yes, watching you was so inspiring to me as a coach because you really took it seriously. There are printouts and worksheets that you could go through and you always came prepared and you did have lots of questions. And what I love and I try to explain to people when I coach with them is the more you work with me, the more I can coach and help you. So in between our weekly calls,
you were daily getting this information literally into your brain and changing your brain chemistry and your beliefs and understanding about alcohol. So along those lines, you share was the brain chemistry part understanding how alcohol truly changes our brain chemistry? Was that helpful to you?
Michael (13:55.848)
Yeah, other than the tools, I I know that's separate, but the educational part were things I didn't know. sometimes I'm like, I can't believe I didn't know that. I'm almost 50 years old. And I've been doing that to myself for many, many years. But lots of it was eye-opening. It was the first I was really digesting that information and understanding what it really does to my body, how it breaks the blood-brain barrier. That was alarming.
Maureen Benkovich (14:01.361)
Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (14:11.887)
Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (14:20.123)
Blood brain barrier, yeah.
Michael (14:25.723)
Medicines and other things do not do that. But but alcohol has a way to to to break that barrier, but When I start learning like, you know at the at the base it's all ethanol right and that goes into the body was explains going back to how we met think about that trainer like was gas fumes right coming out of her pool, right? it's It's it's not healthy, especially when I'm a person that tries to be as healthy as I can
Maureen Benkovich (14:32.145)
Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (14:42.801)
yeah.
Michael (14:54.323)
You know, there's some, you know, I stray sometimes and have that cheesesteak or fries or things. So I'm not living like this, this very clean life from a, from an eating standpoint, but I watch what I eat. I watch quantity and try to do the best I can, but treat myself, right?
Maureen Benkovich (15:09.295)
Yeah, yeah, you know, I was that trainer. I was that person who would teach classes, hung over. didn't realize I smelled like alcohol. So that's how we ended that trainer. I ended up having that conversation because I knew exactly where she was, you know, without any shame or judgment, just like, hey, I know, I know where you are. I used to do that. But yeah, so you mentioned the tools because after you get informed and start understanding what's really going on, we work on building a toolkit for you that's individualized to you.
try different techniques and things that I would recommend through the course or we would talk about. What are some of the tools that you still use now and that you find most helpful?
Michael (15:50.516)
I just did one half deep breath, a very deep breath, which is something I would use if I was stressed, but just bring it more into the everyday equation is incredibly helpful. Whether you're feeling stressed, you feel an urge, it's something small, but impactful. Remembering to eat, there's many nights I would drink, say go to happy hour, I'm on a weekday, that turned into a longer hour, longer than just an hour or a weekend.
Maureen Benkovich (15:51.557)
Yeah.
Maureen Benkovich (16:00.294)
Mm-hmm.
Michael (16:19.345)
where I would just drink and I just wouldn't think about eating. then before I know it, it's midnight or whatever time I'm getting home or later and I'm right in the fridge or not eating at all, which compounded the...
Maureen Benkovich (16:31.545)
Right, which happens a lot when you start drinking and you don't eat and a lot of women choose their calories to drink their calories instead of taking nutrition. So yeah, this happens a lot. And then you end up eating the junk food, late night, sabotaging your workout the next day and the goals. that was all becoming so evident to you. You were realizing it because you were open to it and open to learning to it. So I know one of your favorite tools, I'll just jump in.
was learning about NA spirits, non-alcoholic spirits or beers. And I can recall particularly in the beginning, you were talking about, you were for the first time gonna go to your favorite, I think it was an Italian restaurant and you always ordered a certain kind of wine. And I said, well, how about trying an NA beer? And you were like, I'm gonna think about it. And you came back, you're like, I did it and I had one and it was really good. Do you remember that experience?
Michael (17:24.721)
I do, I probably thought you were crazy. Why is she telling me to drink not N.A. when I'm trying not to drink at all? is that counterproductive? I mean, that's probably my initial thought about Marine, but you know, besides having an exoplanet is one of my tools that I've learned. The introduction of N.A. beverages, beer, wine, spirits, or adaptogens really, you know, help me get through some of the more challenging times going through, you know, feeling uncomfortable in social situations.
Maureen Benkovich (17:31.811)
Right. Yes.
Michael (17:53.128)
That was, I wouldn't say a crutch because I just enjoyed having that in my hand, the social aspect of it, not necessarily the buzz I would get, but going back to that dinner at the BYO, once you gave me the recommendation, I start getting even more curious when I finally tried it and said, this actually isn't bad. This tastes like beer. I forget which one, maybe it was the Stella N.A. or something, but it actually tasted like the real thing. I would call it my fake beer, but it tasted like...
delicious and it satisfied that, I wouldn't say urge, but it just satisfied me to have that and that's all I needed. But the wine, I started doing some research on NA options and I found this wine that is pouted as one of the best NA wines in the world. So I got my hands on this. I had to wait several months before it came, but I was excited. I couldn't wait to go to a BYO and pop that thing open. And it was fantastic.
I couldn't believe how good this was. And I even brought it to a non-BYO, a really nice steak house here where I live in the city, and asked if I can bring it in advance and yes, pay a corkage fee just like you would anything. And I educated the sommelier on this NA brand and I even offered for her to taste it. And she's like, wow, I'm going to have to do some more research on this. Do you mind if I take a photo of the bottle? so it was...
eye-opening to me and I couldn't believe to sommelier yay, who said, is tasty, this tastes like...
Maureen Benkovich (19:27.877)
Yeah, so that's what I love about you because I would make these suggestions and you would be curious and you would try it. And we'll give a shout out to Josh, the non-alcoholic bartender. He's in California and he really has selected this particular wine. I think it's Zeronimo is the one you're talking about. And so you were willing to try it. And then I love how you...
you had to go through the effort of talking to the restaurant and said, okay, if I bring this, you can charge me a corking fee. So you were trying all these new things that I suggest to people. But sometimes people are like, I don't know if I should do that. But look what happened when you did. The sommelier actually was like, can I taste that? And maybe they'll carry it in the restaurant. So it's that ripple effect we talk about a lot when you're willing to be open about what you're doing.
Michael (20:14.279)
Yeah, and that specific one about offering or letting someone taste that, that didn't happen. That took time to get to that point, right? I just want to be real here. That was a little later in my curiosity journey, maybe like last month even, two, three weeks ago. So it took me some time to get there, to get comfortable with that. I had to get through the stages of getting comfortable with being uncomfortable, right? And that took some time.
Maureen Benkovich (20:21.903)
Yes, of course.
Maureen Benkovich (20:37.243)
Yes. Yes. Those are the stages. I love how you said that. So let's not leave everybody hanging. What happened when you got to that football game? And it was like 35 or 40 days into your journey at that point. What happened?
Michael (20:53.591)
I used some of the tools I've learned. I'm riding that wave out, having an exit plan, even if I'm not going to use that, like an exit plan, meaning when am going to leave this situation if I feel like I need to get out of here, if I'm at a bar or wherever we were. Never had to deploy any of that. I was away for three nights with three other friends and the first night was a late night. I want to say 3 a.m. We're in Chicago before we made our way to Green Bay the next day. And I hung out.
have fun, enjoyed myself. And to none the wiser, didn't mention that I wasn't drinking anybody, nor did anybody even notice, right, the next day when I shared that I'm feeling great. And they said, man, we're not. And I said, yeah, I didn't drink last night. And they had no idea. They had no idea.
Maureen Benkovich (21:38.033)
Ha
Yeah, let's just stay there for a second. That's so important. It's not about what's in your glass. You were with your friends, you showed up, you're having fun, you were laughing. I think you were playing pool that night till late night. And so they didn't even notice that you were having non-alcoholic beers and you did such an interesting experiment. You chose not to say anything until the next day and they were all surprised. So I would love everybody to hear that, that, you we all think everybody's looking at what's in our glass. Everybody's focused on what's in their glass.
Michael (22:09.395)
Right. There's times when I can remember vividly that night we're, we're balling up at the bar. I'm trying to get a water or like a club soda and my body just orders shots for everyone and some Miller highlights or something. And just, here you go. I said, Oh geez, how am going to get out of this one? just slid it, sent the shot over to somebody else. So I didn't even know and just held the beer in my hand. And occasionally when I found it in the bathroom, I would pour some out. So looked like I was drinking it, but I just, just wanted to not say fit in, but not, you know, pull attention to it.
in that moment.
Maureen Benkovich (22:38.991)
Yeah. So you stayed true to yourself, but you also had a good time with your friends. And how did you feel on the end of that weekend that you didn't drink? Were you surprised and did it help build confidence and self-trust? Tell us about how you felt.
Michael (22:54.195)
I would say maybe a slight bit of surprise, but I think at that point I was really offering a lot of willpower and saying, I felt good. It was like about 45 days into my experiment of going alcohol free. But I remember being really proud of myself and I couldn't wait. I think I texted my wife and said, man, I did great. But furthermore, my kids, I have a 16 and 13 year old son who's doing some things that 16 year olds now do.
Maureen Benkovich (23:11.078)
Yeah.
Michael (23:22.163)
and including maybe drinking sometimes. But he's fully aware of that. I embarked on this journey and this experiment, I'll call it. And I share with him, he said, oh, there's no way your dad's going to go NA that whole weekend. I said, hey, buddy, guess what? Still going strong. So it felt really good to me. And the confidence just was through the roof. And I'm like, man, I just got through this. Like, what? I can get through anything. Like, this was a one.
Maureen Benkovich (23:31.249)
Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (23:47.132)
That's right. So you went through the discomfort, you went through the uncomfortable feelings, maybe had some throughout the weekend, but on the other side of it, now you just taught yourself you can do hard things. So I just want to say it was actually less willpower and it was more putting all your tools into play and staying in each moment and just seeing what would happen next. And on the other side, you showed yourself you can do hard things.
Michael (24:10.579)
Yeah, and honestly, it's uncomfortable in the beginning. It really was. And I didn't isolate myself. And I didn't want to do that because I thought that wasn't going to lead to sustained success, no matter which way I took this in the end. So my wife and have an incredibly busy life, social, kid activities, work. And we just kept moving forward as if it was the normal way I live. I didn't change anything. I kept going to all the social events, the nights, the weekends, the work events.
Maureen Benkovich (24:15.203)
In the beginning it is.
Maureen Benkovich (24:23.365)
You're right.
Michael (24:40.659)
And I have to get to you.
Maureen Benkovich (24:40.921)
Yeah, and I loved that. That was so good. And let's just, brought up an interesting point because everybody always asks, but what about my spouse? If they're still drinking and I'm doing this and we have all these events, how am I gonna do that? So can you share how you shared with your wife that you were doing this and when you were going through events and going out, what that looked like? Did you talk through it beforehand? What happened?
Michael (25:02.247)
Yeah, I think initially I wasn't, you know, as, as transparent with what we were going through in our coaching sessions. And I think that was like causing a little disconnect. And it was when I realized that I need to share more about my exit plan, some of the tools that I had. So she was on the same page in a line with me versus me just saying at some point, okay, I'm ready to go. Let's get out of here. just share why I was saying that in advance. So she fully understood it and was incredibly supportive and, and, and was on board.
But from a drinking standpoint, my wife drinks probably less than I did, but would be drinking with me, just less volume, less quantity, and have better control, I'd say. And she said, I'm only gonna have one or two. She would only have one or two. But a couple of weeks ago, asked her, just as I'm going on, now I'm over five months into this journey, I asked her.
Maureen Benkovich (25:47.889)
Mm-hmm.
Michael (26:00.4)
What do you think? How does this impact you? And one she shared was that she notices that she is drinking a lot less because in the situations where they're, depending on the week, the situation, if it's a celebration or not, she realized if it's just together, she's not drinking as much or drinking at all. she noticed that's impacting her and she's benefiting from the...
the great side effects that you get from cutting some things out.
Maureen Benkovich (26:32.741)
Yeah, so it's that ripple effect and the communication you said was key. At first, you were trying to figure it out. We were working through the process and you're like, I realize she's not a mind reader. I need to share with her. Here are the things I'm learning. Here are the tools. Here's what I'd like to do at this event. And I thought that was just so key for everybody to hear. I'm glad you shared that. I did want to bring up, if you wouldn't mind sharing a specific instance where you were dropping your son off or picking him up, I think actually from practice.
and it was in the city and a driver came up behind your car and was very irate and actually got in your face. And you had just come from a networking event and you realized something about how you handled that whole situation alcohol-free. And I wonder if you might briefly share that story and how that really impacted you and your son.
Michael (27:21.523)
Yeah, I came from a work event. think it was a retirement, small retirement party for a now former coworker and, you know, open bar, buffet, all the things. And, you know, I was, you know, NA at that point. And thankfully, you described the situation. I think the key is I, you know, living in the city, like parking is limited, but I picked up my son or dropped him off. forget which one. I think I was picking him up and
forgot something, ran in the house. It might've been 30 seconds. And as I'm coming out, I hear somebody screaming. My son's walking towards this person and I hear him saying, my dad just forgot something. And I didn't like hearing somebody screaming at my kid, right? And this grown adult. So I said, hey man, it's just a kid. And this guy took that the wrong way. And I'm not exaggerating by saying it. I was very calm in the moment and he got out and was in my face. I just stared at him and...
Maureen Benkovich (28:02.907)
Yeah. Yeah.
Michael (28:18.963)
There was no physical contact, but I had a lot of things going through my head. Like, if this guy gets physical, this is not going to be good. And then I started thinking, be calm, be calm. And eventually I just let him scream and I just turned away. Interestingly enough, I could smell that he had something on his breath and definitely was under the influence of something. But I was able to walk away with no physical altercation, got in the car first and foremost, said,
to my son, you okay? Do you any questions? He's fine. I think he said that. I had your back on that. Something along those lines. So anyway, I said, well, no, you stay out of that. That was not for you to get involved in, I think, up to that point. But as a Kellan, listen, I was at a work event and three months prior, when I was drinking, I probably would add two, three drinks, who knows? And I would have reacted differently. think 100 % I thought I would have reacted differently in an event.
And that would have got physical because I wouldn't take somebody screaming in my face like that. And not that I'm, you know, I just want to preface, I'm not a violent person. don't seek out altercations, but that was such a unique circumstance that I haven't experienced before. And I was using as a teacher, I'm going to say what I did wasn't being a coward. It was doing the right thing. And that's how you should, if you're in altercations, it's okay to walk away. That's even better.
Maureen Benkovich (29:19.003)
Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (29:34.033)
Mm-hmm.
Michael (29:47.751)
That's the alternative.
Maureen Benkovich (29:47.824)
Yeah. What a beautiful teaching moment you had, but I think you also realized to yourself, wow, if I had been drinking, that would have been different. And the reason is because it affects our decision-making part of our brain, the prefrontal cortex, the adult part of our brain. And you may have reacted much more emotionally and, you know, radically, and you recognize it. You're like, wow, because I wasn't drinking.
I was very calm and handled it in a different way. And then you turned it into a teaching moment for your son. So the whole thing I just thought was such a good story.
Michael (30:20.563)
Yeah, calm I used loosely. My heart was pounding. if I must say, my heart was definitely pounding and I didn't know where it was going to go, but I know I can control myself and my reaction and I did. And as you said, turned it into a role model, role modeling moment for my teenage son.
Maureen Benkovich (30:23.343)
Yeah.
Maureen Benkovich (30:34.15)
Yeah.
Maureen Benkovich (30:37.595)
Yeah, so let's talk about that role modeling, because you brought that up a lot in our coaching that you were feeling like, can I be talking to these, my kids about drinking when they see me drinking the way I socialize all the time? And then now the shift, now that you're not drinking, how you can talk with them.
Michael (30:54.183)
Yeah, my son is 16 is now indulging in some behavior that many of us did when we were teenagers, right? And I'm not going to act like I was perfect because I definitely wasn't. I just am using what I'm doing as modeling the behavior that you can socialize and party with your friends and family without drinking and still have fun. again, I talked about earlier.
Maureen Benkovich (31:04.625)
Mm-hmm. All right. That's how it starts.
Michael (31:22.707)
I went to many events and people don't even know I'm on drinking, right? And they're not even watching you. It's, you're not, you're not on display. So you're not impacting anybody else's time. And that's what I keep saying. Like you don't need to do this. You don't need to follow peer pressure. You can have fun and everyone else will still have their fun. You don't need this to, to, you know, for people to think you're cool or that you're a good time. And I'm modeling that and I feel good about it. I hope it's having an impact, but
Maureen Benkovich (31:34.032)
Yes.
Michael (31:50.676)
I can only continue to do what I set out to do and that's to continue with my journey until my self-imposed milestone will be one year in.
Maureen Benkovich (32:01.605)
Yeah, so you are now what, six months about or five months about? Yeah, and at some point you said to me like, I'm doing a year. I know I'm doing a year. So what's motivating you now?
Michael (32:06.459)
Approaching six months, yes.
Michael (32:15.155)
I think I just feel so good all around mentally, physically, my well-being. I work out four or five days a week and I just getting more out of that. My productivity at work, the clarity that I can solve problems with, my anxiety and stress levels are moderate and I can handle them better. My reactions, my sleep, there's so many benefits. There are ones that come top of mind, but.
Maureen Benkovich (32:26.065)
Mm-hmm.
Michael (32:45.725)
Honestly, there are so many awesome things that are coming out of this that I never even thought of. Sleeping is better.
Maureen Benkovich (32:53.487)
Yeah, and you learned a lot about how alcohol actually affects your workouts because as I said, we met in a workout class, we're both pretty much in health and fitness and alcohol actually affects your muscles ability to get stronger, muscle protein synthesis it's called. So it doesn't let your muscles break down and recover as they're supposed to do when we're weightlifting or something like that. So when you learned how dehydration and poor fragmented sleep, all of those things can be so much better without alcohol.
you were willing, that helps you go through some of the early days of discomfort to get to where you are now to have these benefits.
Michael (33:29.511)
Yeah, if I go back to, again, back to the beginning of this, back to the beginning of when we came together for the sessions that I don't think I could have done it on my own. Not to say that I was weak or I had a problem, I wasn't alcoholic, I to make that clear. I had just a lot of fun when I drank sometimes and maybe too much fun or too much drinking that I thought I was having a lot of fun, right? You better said. But I think that maybe...
Maureen Benkovich (33:29.829)
Yeah, I'm so glad that you share all that.
Michael (33:58.452)
I personally thought it was shameful that if I did want to have some sort of support that maybe it was saying I did have a problem. I think that just was my own internal thought process. But I got past that because that wasn't the case. It's just like, hey, I just want to be the best person myself at the end of the day and feel really good. And guess what? One of the benefits I didn't mention, no hangovers. mean, that's one of the best benefits in itself.
Maureen Benkovich (34:08.389)
Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (34:25.457)
Yeah. And yeah, I love that you say that because that is what holds so many people back from getting support because we think and we've been conditioned to think, you you're weak-willed, you have a problem, you know, there's this drink responsibly on the label of alcohol that the alcohol industry made sure was put on there. So we would feel these exact feelings that it's the, you our fault, not that it's an addictive substance. But we get a coach for so many other things in our life, right? If you want to get better at golf or tennis or what have you. So it's the same.
kind of thing here. So I'm so glad that you're sharing that, that it's okay to reach out for support for somebody who's trained to take you through this, like me. Yeah. So I love to ask this question at the end of our interview. What do you do now to be sober fit? And it could be mental, physical, emotional, all of it.
Michael (35:04.232)
Yes.
Michael (35:16.435)
will they're all so closely integrated. So I think there's a few things as I think about how I continue. And some of them I was doing, but I'm just more aware that I'm doing them. My workouts, right? I continue to work out. love it. I feel even better than I have in the past. you said, you, I think you may have been guilty of this. You thought you can work out and just get it out of your system. It's so much better when it's not in your system to begin with. You get even more out of it, right? And that's what I'm experiencing.
Maureen Benkovich (35:18.511)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (35:36.815)
Yeah, I used to think you'd sweat it out.
Right. Right.
Michael (35:46.004)
I think that I'm just more present now. I'm not worried or thinking too far down the road about everything. Especially this journey that I'm on, especially this curiosity journey of being alcohol free. Like I said earlier, I did set a milestone for a year. I think that's just something to hit and then going to fully surpass that. but right now I'm in the moment and I'm just really proud of how far I've come.
Maureen Benkovich (35:53.659)
Mm-hmm.
Michael (36:15.827)
and how great I feel. And what I think that the behavioral that I'm modeling for my kids or others that may be in this gray area that maybe asked themselves questions and really haven't taken any action like where I was for many years. I think I was thinking about this for like 10, 12 years before I got to the point where I had an incident. I won't call it a rock bottom, but something that just went against all my core values and just made me so upset that I need to make a change and I'm gonna get some help and support.
Maureen Benkovich (36:29.627)
Mm-hmm.
Michael (36:44.609)
to give me the tools I need to continue to be successful.
Maureen Benkovich (36:47.823)
Yeah, I'm so glad you reached out. It's been a pleasure coaching you and that we met in Lake Tahoe and then you reached out a year later. That is why I always tell everybody what I do, no matter where I am, because you never know who you're speaking with. Because so many people are where you exactly described. That being aware that you want to change your drinking but you're not sure how could go on for five to 10 years. That's about the statistic or for your lifetime if you've never figured out how to change. So that's why reaching out.
and getting support helps you move through that hurdle and do exactly what you did. And you definitely should be proud of yourself. It's your superpower.
Michael (37:24.563)
Thank you. Yeah, I continue to share my journey when I have the opportunity with somebody and not in a judgmental way, but I think it's powerful to let people know that I'm doing this. I feel great and this is why I'm doing it. people are like, wow, that's interesting. I thought about that, how do I? I'm going to talk to you later when I'm ready. So I think it's opening doors for other people to feel comfortable. But I also think it's a bigger movement that's happening now that I didn't even know existed.
Maureen Benkovich (37:49.393)
It is. Yeah. And that's why I'm so grateful that you would come on here on SoberFitlife and share your story to a broader audience to let more and more people know it's totally okay to get support and coaching and go through this process. Be curious like you have been and continue to be and be willing to go through some discomfort, but with some guidance and coaching, you'll come out on the other side, surprising yourself of what you can do and how your really entire life can change when you change your relationship with alcohol.
Michael (38:19.955)
Yes, all I can say is thank you and I can't wait to report back on where am I now when I hit that 12 month mark.
Maureen Benkovich (38:19.973)
Yeah.
Maureen Benkovich (38:25.487)
Yes. Yes, come back and thank you. Thank you so much for coming on Saber Fitlife, Michael. It was just a pleasure coaching with you.
Michael (38:33.893)
Armory, thanks for having me and it was a pleasure going through it with you.
