Maureen Benkovich (00:01.326)
Do you want to enjoy the holidays without sacrificing your sleep, your sanity, or your fitness and health goals? If you do, and I think most of you do, let's walk through how to make that happen. Because the truth is this season is just saturated, starting at Thanksgiving with alcohol. It's a minefield, especially for women in perimenopause and beyond. I see it every year with my clients. The invitations stack up, the expectations rise, the pressure rises.
and we start taking care of ourselves less and less and less and not paying attention to the signals that could really help you enjoy this holiday season and not default, as I call it, to alcohol being your solution to calm or de-stress. So I'd love to go through some tools and tactics, some practical things that you can use during this holiday season.
as our immune system tends to be challenged. You can hear mine is right now, so I'm like eight octaves deeper of a voice than I normally have. But fortunately, I don't drink alcohol, so that's not harming me even more. But back to you and the holidays. I want to help you create a plan so you can drink less and not feel deprived, but also take this opportunity to become mindful during the holidays, right? So not...
mindlessly drinking and think, know what, I'll deal with this in January, because by the time you get to January, you're going to feel like garbage. And how can you do it differently this year? How can you be mindful? How can you pay attention to your cues? And how can you actually do what you want to do? Because there's a lot of us, and I used to do this, who waking up in the middle of the night, you 3 a.m. anxious, heart racing, mad at yourself that you did it again. You were only going to have one drink and you ended up having
four or you ended up drinking the bottle, whether it's at a party or by yourself. So let's go through this so you can enjoy the holidays more without feeling deprived and also learn something about yourself and your relationship with alcohol. So first of all, just know as a midlife woman, alcohol just wrecks your sleep, right? We all kind of know this on some level, but there's a difference between quality sleep and sedation.
Maureen Benkovich (02:25.78)
Alcohol does not help you sleep and that would be an entire another episode to get into it. But know that it wrecks your REM sleep. It spikes and crashes your blood sugar. Plus you are most likely eating things you might not normally in at least in such quantity over the rest of the year. So you're already having blood sugar crashes. It increases hot flashes. It increases vasodilation on your face. That's why you might feel redness in your cheeks and your nose.
sharpens your mood swings because you're already tired, right? Your nervous system is already taxed and more sensitive. So a single night of drinking in midlife especially can echo for days. And if you compile that with consecutive days of drinking, it really starts to wear you down. So just know that if you can be more mindful about the holidays and choosing how and when to drink and paying attention to why you want to drink,
This will really help you get through the holidays and actually enjoy them more. And like I said, you'll learn something about yourself. So just first of all, the red flags that might deserve some of your attention. You are probably sensing something shifting. And a lot of times my clients will say, I don't get it. Like one or two drinks and I don't feel good anymore. And that is true because you're just not metabolizing it like you used to.
And if you find yourself ignoring that, that is just not going to help you because ignoring it doesn't make you metabolize alcohol any better. And also I want you to pay attention to other things. Are you hiding how much you drink? Are you trying to take sips when nobody's looking? Are you breaking promises to yourself or others? Are you waking up anxious? Those are all red flags to pay attention to. And what do I mean by that?
Those are red flags of someone who's a gray area drinker. And I've talked about this a lot on other podcasts. And this is a nutritional term. It's not a hashtag. It's not something cute sounding. It is actually a nutritional term. And it means all those like 99 % of us who are drinking in the gray, right? We're not at end stage, need intervention, losing our jobs. No, we are people who are healthy, take care of ourselves, diet, nutrition, families, entrepreneurs, business people.
Maureen Benkovich (04:49.208)
but we're drinking more than we want to. That's a real quick summary of a gray area drinker. And if you have any of those red flags that I just talked about, you're most likely in the gray. So just know that, right? So that's a baseline for you. And then know that most people I coach are not drinking to get drunk at all. They're drinking to relax, to calm their nervous system. Now, most people don't use those words, right? They just say, want, you know, it's the end of the day.
I deserve this. This is how I calm down. This is how I transition. That's more the wording that people use. But really what it is, is you're using it to downshift or downregulate your central nervous system. And especially holiday time, most of us are in this fight or flight, because we add all these extra stresses and activities and sugar and alcohol and things that we wouldn't have in this quantity normally. So just pay attention to the red flags.
in that curiosity mindset, right? Not in a beating up mindset, but like, huh, okay, these things that Maureen talked about, I am actually experiencing. And then just know that there are tools that we can talk about for you to swap out instead of turning to alcohol as your first tool. And just kind of start realizing, how do I use alcohol? What roles or jobs have I given you alcohol over the years?
And I always use this example. I started drinking when I was 14. So I never really learned how to socialize or have fun without alcohol. So when I started taking breaks and eventually I decided, you know, alcohol was no longer serving me and I don't drink anymore. As you know, I had to relearn how to socialize without it because I really had never let my undeveloped nervous system and personality at 14 learn how to do that. So...
you will relearn, this is called neuroplasticity, how to do some of these things that you've given alcohol these roles. So just kind of start noticing what roles do I give alcohol when I'm bored, when I'm lonely, when I'm tired, when I'm hungry, when I'm anxious. Just again, noticing. You're hear me say that a million times on this podcast. So one of the tools to help you notice is called HALT, H-A-L-T. Am I hungry? Am I angry?
Maureen Benkovich (07:14.518)
Am I lonely? Am I tired? This is a common acronym that you may have heard, but just know that when you're hungry or you're tired or you're dehydrated, you can crave alcohol and you misconstrue the craving for wanting a drink versus if you step back and that pause is so important and ask yourself, wait, let me check in with myself. Did I eat enough protein today? And for most,
Peri and menopausal women, that's 30 grams of protein per meal. Or did I skip a meal? Did I skip meals? Did I not eat breakfast? Have I eaten all day? Especially if you're intermittent fasting, you need to check in. Are you getting enough protein and healthy fats? And if the answer is no, then try to lengthen and not go for the drink right away and instead have a healthy snack with lean quality protein and healthy fat. So try that. Am I hungry? Am I angry?
Well, that is just a broad category. Under anger would fit things like anxious, stressed, irritable, frustrated, right? Anger is just a broad category. So check in with yourself. And if that's the case, again, what else can you do instead of drink? So you're going to lengthen, not have that drink right away, maybe sit and do some breathing exercises. If you've never done this before, you can look up apps. There so many apps now.
that can take you through a short breath work exercise to help down regulate your central nervous system. So just try it and see and notice, that really helped. I actually feel better. I was holding my shoulders up in my ears all day long. I didn't realize it. And then lonely, maybe you haven't really had a good interaction that day or a hug or talk to a friend or let somebody know how you're doing, especially with the stressful holidays. So again,
Lengthening, not going for the drink and reaching out to someone that you might want to talk to just for a few minutes and see how you feel. And then tired. Sleep is so important. Sleep hygiene. And I can reference another podcast that I had with Molly Eastman who has the podcast, Sleep is a Skill. This is becoming such an important marker of long-term health care and longevity. And any of you wearing wearable technology, you can see
Maureen Benkovich (09:38.531)
your sleep scores and you can notice what alcohol does to your HRV, heart rate variability, which is becoming an extremely important marker of long-term health. So if you are a person who has any one of the wearable techs out there now, use it. Do some experiments. Notice what happens when you drink. Notice what happens when you don't drink to your sleep and your HRV because sleep is so important.
So again, hungry, angry, lonely, tired, simple check-in that will help you actually meet the needs that your body is asking for instead of being disguised in you want to drink, right? And then I want to talk about parties because there's an influx of invitations and events and we want to go, we want to have fun, but there's, right, alcohol everywhere. I used to pregame, as we call it, before I went to a party because I was nervous. And so I would go.
without eating, because I'm thinking I'm going to eat at the party, have a glass of wine while I'm getting ready, and then go to the party, go straight to the bar, have another glass of wine, and start going down the rabbit hole, right? Because I hadn't eaten, I hadn't done the halt check-in, I hadn't made sure that I'd had enough protein or any of the things I just discussed. So let's have a strategy for parties. And I'm going to call it the three P's. You're going to have a partner, a plan, and a path.
So the partner is someone who you trust, who supports your intentions. Listen, I'm trying not to drink too much during this holiday season and, boy, I'm trying to turn off my phone there.
you know, say to a trusted partner, hey, I'm trying not to drink too much this holiday season and I just want to let you know, like, could I check in with you? Maybe this person is at the party with you. You know, even if it's just a glance across the room, like, you know, hey, I'm trying not to drink. What are you drinking? Just knowing that having someone who's on your side really helps. A plan for what you want to drink, what you're going to order and what you're going to say. So let's break that one down.
Maureen Benkovich (11:48.323)
Think about what you're going to order, whether it's at a restaurant or a party, or even if you enter a party and someone comes up to you with, can I get you to drink? Know what you're going to say, pre-plan. If you fail to plan, you plan to fail. So do this with an experimental mindset. Okay, I'm going to go into the party. I'm going to go up to the bar or wherever there is, you know, the table with alcohol. I'm going say, I have a club soda with a splash of Cran and a lime?
I guarantee you no one's going to know there's not alcohol in your glass except for you. And then you get to talk to your inner monologue and say, it's not about what's in my glass. It's about being at this party and talking to people and experiencing what it's like without alcohol. So have a plan of what you're going to drink. If the hostess or host comes up to you and says, what can I get you? Just say, you know, I'm really thirsty. I'm just getting a water right now. You don't need to launch into any big explanation. You just need a plan that works for you. And the last part is a path.
How are you going to leave the event? Would you like to ghost? Sometimes that's totally appropriate and you text the host or hostess or your friends later and be like, hey, you know, I just had to run, I have an early morning. Or know who you want to say goodbye to, what you're going to say and when you're going to leave. So if you're a person that I'm coaching and you're actively not drinking, we would want to exactly know what you're going to say.
to the host or hostess about leaving. And my recommendation would be to go to the party on the early side, right? Before everybody is into their third and fourth drink and the atmosphere starts changing and the voices get louder, go to the front end of the party and you've already had your protein and your hydration and you've got your alcohol-free drink in your hand and you're talking to all the people, like really target all the people I want to talk to, go talk to them.
have meaningful conversations. Notice, are you listening more? Are you asking more questions because you're not thinking about getting your next drink? It's usually a big aha moment for people because they realize, wow, I'm usually thinking about getting that next drink when my glass is getting empty, which I can completely relate to because that's what I did. So wasn't really focusing on conversations. You know, the inner monologue was about
Maureen Benkovich (14:18.018)
How am going to get the next drink? I better get in line for the bar. Ooh, I'm drinking faster than they are. And when you have all this inner monologue, you're not really listening to the people that are in front of you that you're talking to. So just know that, pay attention. And as far as a path, so how you're going to leave, just know if you came to the front end of the party, start paying attention to your body, to your signals. Am I ready to leave? Am I tired? Because at that point is when you usually drink more.
because you're trying to motivate yourself to get more energy. Alcohol used to energize me. Some people it causes them to feel sleepy. But for those of us who would energize, we would drink more to keep going. So again, just kind of listen to your signals. Your body's trying to tell you, hey, I'm done. I'm ready to go. So go ahead and pay attention. It's okay to leave and it's okay to leave without a huge explanation. And that kind of brings us to the boundaries.
It's okay to set boundaries. Midlife women and really all my clients often want to learn how to set quiet boundaries, right? They don't want to make this big declaration. So you can do things like you could bring an alcohol-free drink, which I do, like this New Year's Eve, I'm going to bring my favorite alcohol-free sparkling white wine. It's actually pretty good. I can recommend it. Put a link in this podcast episode. It comes in a pretty bottle.
Sometimes I'll call ahead to the restaurant and say, I'm going to bring my own. Can you, you can charge me a corking fee and usually they're fine with it. So you can bring your own alcohol free drink. You can offer to drive. So that gives you an out, right? It's a quiet boundary or say you're, you're just really focusing on your sleep and your hydration in this day and age where so many people are taking breaks from alcohol. You can say that. And most people are like, okay, that's cool. Or they may not like it, but that's never about.
you, that's about them. But often these kind of quiet boundaries work really well and you can find yourself not experiencing any pushback or stress. So those are just some of like the quick things that you can do during this holiday season and you hear me repeating certain terms over and over. Mindful, pause, lengthen, curiosity. If you stay in those mindsets, you're not in the deprivation mindset.
Maureen Benkovich (16:43.906)
you're more in the experimental mindset. There's a big difference. And then notice, you hear me say that word a lot. It's really important so that you can make habit changes, the ones that you've been wanting to make and that beating yourself up don't seem to give you the effect you want. So let's try something different. And if you try all that and you did a great job, let me know. I would love to hear about it. Let me hear about your experiences and if any of these tools and tactics helped. But also,
Know that if you get to January, I am running my six week alcohol reset with group coaching. So once a week, we have a call with everybody virtually on there. You have access to my six week reset course where we use my method FOUR "R" method of recognize, replace, rewire and renew. So my six week course goes through how to do all that. You have access to me as your coach through Voxer. We have a group.
Vox are set up and you can individually Vox me as well. Share your insights, any coaching tips in between or our weekly calls. And then really being with other people and seeing that you are not the only one that has these questions and concerns and insights makes a big difference. So I am putting out my emails with my registration or you can go to my website and register now for the six week alcohol reset. I keep the group small because I want to have good
group coaching interaction. So I'm going to stop it at 11 or 12 people because anything over that is usually too much. So I already have a couple spots filled. So if you're thinking about it, sign up now in December so you know you have this plan for January. And then if you employ all these tips we talked about today, you should be able to reach January feeling a lot better, not so wiped out and truly enjoying the holiday season, which is really what it's all about. So I hope these tips help.
It's good to be back after my long surgery and recovery, and I wish you all very happy holiday season.
