Maureen Benkovich (00:00.974)
Welcome back to another episode of Sober Fit Life. I am so excited to have my friend and guest, Alice Ann Loftus today. I have come to know her and deeply admire her, not just for what she's built, but for how she leads, which is really apropos since her company or business is Leading Ladies. Alice Ann is a leadership and business strategist, author and the founder of Leading Lady Coaching.
With over 20 years of experience as a multi-business owner, she brings together organizational development, strategic planning, and heart-centered approach to help women grow sustainable, values-driven businesses. She's also the founder of several incredible leadership communities, including the Leading Lady Business Hub, the Annapolis Collective, and the owner of Bright Beginnings Incorporated, a successful early childhood education company, multi-businesses.
I am really proud to be a member of her Leading Lady Collective and I've seen firsthand how she leads with clarity, integrity, purpose and intention. Today we're having an honest conversation about leadership, intention and creating spaces that reflect our deepest values, including Alice Anne's decision to stop serving alcohol at her business events. In a culture where alcohol is everywhere, especially in business settings, this choice isn't just thoughtful, it's bold.
And it's exactly the kind of leadership that challenges the status quo and makes space for something better. So welcome Alice Anne. Thank you so much for being here. And I would love it if you would just share with people a little bit about yourself and how you started the Leading Lady Collective and coaching.
AliceAnne Loftus (01:42.176)
Yeah, thank you Maureen. I am just absolutely honored to be here and that intro, I'm like blushing. That was such a nice intro. So thank you. Yeah, so I started my first company when I was 22 years old and a brand new mom. And there was a lot to learn about in business and I didn't really have, you know, a support group or I didn't know where to go for all of that.
So I went to the school of hard knocks, learning how to be a mom and an entrepreneur. And as I grew that business, I ran into a lot of challenges and I learned through that growth that I really needed to take kind of a full view look at who I am as a person, as a whole person to really show up in my business.
And through my own journey of learning that and working with a coach and just self-reflection, I realized that I'm not the only woman that's felt that way. And so I started my coaching business in 2016, really focusing on the high achieving woman who is running her business, raising her family, doing all the things, being a community leader and how she can do that without losing herself.
with, you know, working to align her personal values with her professional values. And it just sort of exploded from there. I mean, you can see women, women need this community and it's a safe place for us to be real about the challenges we have as women entrepreneurs and also connect with one another and gain resources to support us. And as we navigate it.
Maureen Benkovich (03:36.183)
It's an incredible community. I have the good fortune of living in Annapolis where you actually have a physical location. I mean, you are international, right? People can work with you anywhere, but there is a space in Annapolis, which is really wonderful for a solo entrepreneur to be able to go and interact and network and even collaborate with other hardworking women solo entrepreneurs. It's such a great space you've created.
AliceAnne Loftus (04:00.952)
Thank you, thank you. It was really very intentional. I had always dreamed of having a physical location. Obviously, I'm Annapolis based. And even though I was working with clients all over the world, my local network was like, but we want to get together in person too. And so that's how the collective was born. And I tell you, those meetings, monthly meetings we have, really energized me and just show me the power of what
Maureen Benkovich (04:03.779)
Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (04:24.44)
Mmm.
AliceAnne Loftus (04:30.72)
women can do when we're in a room together having those very real conversations.
Maureen Benkovich (04:35.96)
Yeah. And you are just such an amazing leader. You really are. She's a strategist. She's able to look at a business in a way that she can see things and help you say, have you thought about this? And how about you try that? And for someone like me who's just really starting this three years ago, it's been incredibly helpful. So, and I continue to learn. But along those lines of holding these meetings and
over time you would have alcohol at these meetings and then I think and you can tell the story of when you started to decide to change that and how that came about.
AliceAnne Loftus (05:10.132)
Yeah. So, you know, I'm not a big drinker. I've never been a big drinker. I'm half Filipino. I don't digest it well. I never feel good after I drink. I'm the lightweight, the teetotaler of my friend group. I never experimented with alcohol as a kid or in college or anything. So I'm kind of the oddball, right? Not the oddball, yeah, the unicorn. But I always felt a lot of pressure.
Maureen Benkovich (05:12.388)
Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (05:31.064)
Yes, we call that a unicorn.
AliceAnne Loftus (05:39.392)
a lot of pressure to have alcohol at events or when I was doing things. And it never felt good to me. I distinctly remember having a meeting once and forgetting to pick up the alcohol because it's not something I think about a lot, you know? And like people being disappointed that I didn't have the alcohol. And I was like, yeah. And I was like, what is happening here? Why are all the things that women do
Maureen Benkovich (05:39.428)
Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (06:00.322)
Isn't that interesting?
AliceAnne Loftus (06:09.738)
around cocktails. You know, have cocktails and conversation or, you know, sip and shop or all of these like cutesy things to bring women together to do business. Why? Why do we need the alcohol to do it? And yeah, so then I met you, I met you and I'm listening to you and I'm learning about your business and I'm going, I'm kind of sick of this.
Maureen Benkovich (06:18.85)
Yes.
Maureen Benkovich (06:27.608)
That's the big question.
AliceAnne Loftus (06:40.056)
The pressure to always have alcohol at these things. It doesn't feel good to me. It puts this pressure on me to make it cutesy. And we need to have these conversations without, I don't want to say dumbing it down, but without making it fluffy and fun. Can we just have a business meeting? Can we just get together and have these conversations because we're serious about our business? Right?
Maureen Benkovich (07:03.406)
Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (07:07.94)
Right. Yeah.
AliceAnne Loftus (07:09.638)
And I find that the minute I see alcohol, like part of it, I immediately don't take it as serious as we probably should. Why do you have to have a cocktail to go with your bookkeeping goals?
Maureen Benkovich (07:25.144)
That's so interesting to hear from someone who's not really a drinker because when I was drinking, if there was a business meeting and there was alcohol, yeah, I wanted that. Right, well, for me, so I could drink with a legitimate reason. So it's sort of, you know, right? So I'm already becoming disconnected after the first drink. I'm really not focusing on the business or the conversation. Then it's become a party instead of a business meeting.
AliceAnne Loftus (07:28.814)
you
AliceAnne Loftus (07:33.262)
Bye.
AliceAnne Loftus (07:45.87)
No, it's a party. Yeah. And I think that we have to take our businesses seriously. We have to be professional. We have to have clear minds when we're having these real conversations, these tough conversations. When we're thinking about strategy in our business, I don't want to cutesy it. I don't want to make it more palatable for you. You know, is that...
Maureen Benkovich (08:09.956)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
AliceAnne Loftus (08:14.008)
having a cocktail really gonna lure you to talk about your business? And if it is, how serious are you about your business? Yeah.
Maureen Benkovich (08:21.614)
Yeah. Yeah, I loved that when you introduced it at one of the first meetings that I was going to as an official member. And you kind of said, since I met Maureen and heard this, I've decided no longer to serve alcohol. And part of me was like, my gosh. And the other part was like, yeah, that's great. That's bold. That's courageous. Because that is what you talk about all the time is women, we should know our numbers, we should know our money, we should have goals. And then there's this thing on the side that we're doing that
AliceAnne Loftus (08:31.523)
Mm-hmm.
AliceAnne Loftus (08:37.262)
Yeah.
Maureen Benkovich (08:51.352)
that numbs us and dumbs it down. And I think it's just such a bold, courageous step that you've taken.
AliceAnne Loftus (08:58.83)
was really scared. I was scared. But you know, it wasn't the first time I'd stood up for something. A year or so before I said, you know what, we're a weight neutral environment as well. Like I don't want to have conversations of women gathering around like slamming our bodies. And like we are so much more interesting than that, right? So I'm not a stranger to taking a stance on things.
Maureen Benkovich (09:01.122)
Really?
Maureen Benkovich (09:14.11)
Mmm. Yeah.
Yes.
Maureen Benkovich (09:24.684)
No, you're not at all. You're not a wallflower or any of those things. But this is sort of this taboo topic that even someone like you who is such a go-getter and knows what she wants, you really had to think about it.
AliceAnne Loftus (09:30.318)
Mm-hmm.
AliceAnne Loftus (09:36.898)
I did and I was scared. Even though I knew it was the right thing for me to do, I was worried about the pushback. People being like, well, that's no fun. But then I went back to, okay, well, what's my goal? Am I inviting people to come have fun? what does that say if you can only have fun if there's a cocktail in your hand? That's not who I am at all.
Maureen Benkovich (09:39.428)
Mmm.
Maureen Benkovich (10:03.876)
Mm-hmm.
AliceAnne Loftus (10:06.322)
And just the more I thought about it and was listening to your messages and I, in getting to know you, I felt more aligned that that was the right decision for me and for my community.
Maureen Benkovich (10:21.924)
Do you remember anything specifically in one of my talks or our conversations that sort of clicked with you or it just overall you just sort of feeling this is the right thing?
AliceAnne Loftus (10:30.766)
I just felt seen. I just felt seen that being somebody that every time I was out and people are like, what are you drinking? And I'm like, I'm not really drinking. Or then I would feel guilty. So I would order a drink that tasted terrible. So then I just wasted 13 or I guess $18 now on a cocktail I'm not even going to drink. just all this like pressure.
Maureen Benkovich (10:51.662)
sometimes.
AliceAnne Loftus (10:58.122)
realizing that I had the power to remove that pressure from my own spaces. Yeah. So.
Maureen Benkovich (11:02.562)
Yeah. Yeah. Did you get any pushback? Any sort of anybody saying why, why aren't you serving alcohol or I'm disappointed? Yeah.
AliceAnne Loftus (11:09.806)
You know what? Not a single person. Not a single person. I, weekly, I get a thank you. I was just doing a strategy session with a woman and she's, you know, my strategy sessions can be pretty intimate, pretty vulnerable because business is personal. You know, we put our lives into this and our passions into this. And just recently a woman said,
Maureen Benkovich (11:17.652)
Mm-hmm. Really? Okay.
Maureen Benkovich (11:27.897)
Yes.
Maureen Benkovich (11:31.492)
Mm-hmm.
AliceAnne Loftus (11:39.714)
You know, I just have to tell you, I'm really thankful that you don't have alcohol at any of your events. She said, I've been in recovery for 25 years and I always feel so much pressure when I go to networking or, you know, and she's like, I'm not, I don't tell people that. I don't feel like they need to know that about me, but everyone wants to know, what are you drinking? What are you drinking? And if you don't, why aren't you drinking?
Maureen Benkovich (12:04.92)
Why aren't you drinking?
Yeah. Yeah.
AliceAnne Loftus (12:10.01)
And she said, I just love that I can be here and I never have to worry about that. And that's just one of many stories that I've many like expressions of gratitude that I've received from the community about that. There's you just never know. Yeah. My husband and I recently signed on with a pretty large company for some business and they brought this
Maureen Benkovich (12:22.702)
Yeah.
Maureen Benkovich (12:28.494)
That's right.
AliceAnne Loftus (12:38.018)
beautiful gift that, you know, welcoming us like on board. It was so beautifully packaged. I was so excited as soon as they left. I'm like a kid, you know, like, you have sort of my love language. So giving and receiving gifts. And so I was so excited. As soon as they walked out the door, I'm like ripping through the wrapping paper and I open it up and it's whiskey and highball glasses and all like the
Maureen Benkovich (12:47.662)
Yeah. Yes.
AliceAnne Loftus (13:06.574)
that go with whiskey. Maureen, I have never been more disappointed in my life because we don't drink. And so this company, I can only imagine what they spent on that gift to make me feel welcomed and valued as a, you know, important customer of theirs. And they missed the mark completely. Yeah.
Maureen Benkovich (13:15.054)
Yeah.
Maureen Benkovich (13:20.302)
Yes.
Maureen Benkovich (13:30.18)
Interesting. Yeah, it's such an assumption that everybody drinks. And also as a former drinker, that was just an easy no-brainer gift. You didn't have to put any creativity into it or time into it. You just, you know, got some alcohol and assumed that people wanted that. So that's so interesting to hear your perspective.
AliceAnne Loftus (13:49.709)
Yeah.
Yeah, that it was like a total, I'm like, wow, that they don't know anything about me. Yeah, they don't know anything about me and what a useless gift.
Maureen Benkovich (13:55.908)
Hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (14:03.554)
Right. Right. Yeah.
AliceAnne Loftus (14:06.2)
That probably cost them a lot of money. And I think about those types of things, you know, when we show up to work events or Secret Santa, you know, in the office thing and how inappropriate that might be. You actually don't know people. You don't know what their background is, what their history is with alcohol. Are they allergic? Can they not digest it? Do they have trauma around it? Whatever. It highlighted to me how exclusive
Maureen Benkovich (14:18.98)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
AliceAnne Loftus (14:37.386)
it could feel. You know, like you're really like excluding somebody from something wonderful by bringing that in and not recognizing that there might be a sensitivity to that.
Maureen Benkovich (14:44.035)
Yes.
Maureen Benkovich (14:49.88)
Yeah, I love that. I had a woman who came to one of my talks who also wasn't a big drinker and she said it made her rethink how she gifted people. Because even though she wasn't a drinker, she would give alcohol. And she said, let me be more creative and make things that have to do with the person or something that shows them how I care about them or love them. So I really loved that that was a message that came across.
AliceAnne Loftus (14:56.802)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
AliceAnne Loftus (15:12.588)
Yeah, yeah. think alcohol is deeply intimate. You have to know somebody and their relationship with it if you're going to gift it.
Maureen Benkovich (15:16.227)
Yes.
Maureen Benkovich (15:20.42)
Yeah. And I think one of the things I often talk about in my talks that you heard is that it's such a strange thing because it's a drug and it's the only drug when you tell people you are not partaking in it that they say, why not? What's wrong with you? Did you have a problem? You would never say that to someone about cocaine or cigarettes, you know, or any of the other things. You say, great, good job that you don't do that anymore. But that is that phenomenon because the person then all of a sudden sees a mirror.
AliceAnne Loftus (15:33.838)
Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (15:48.473)
You know, when you say you're not drinking, they no longer see you. They see a mirror and it's a reflection like, well, what is Alice Anne going to think about me? Is she going to judge me? Should I go drink over here? I don't want her, I want to drink the way I want to drink. I know this because I had all these thoughts as a drinker. So it's never really about you, the person who's not drinking. It's the person who is drinking and all the self judgment they all of sudden feel. And it's so fast in their brain, subconscious.
AliceAnne Loftus (16:03.79)
Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (16:16.12)
That's why that happens. people say, why not?
AliceAnne Loftus (16:19.19)
Yeah, yeah, why? Why not? I've been hearing that my whole life. Why not? Why aren't you drinking? And I mean, don't get me wrong, I do drink. I'll have a toast of champagne at a wedding. I like a nice glass of wine with a good cheese, you know, if it's paired well. But never, don't think I've ever had more than like one glass at a sitting. It's just not who I am. My life doesn't revolve around that. And so...
Maureen Benkovich (16:22.468)
Mm.
Maureen Benkovich (16:26.713)
Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (16:45.358)
Right.
AliceAnne Loftus (16:48.95)
Maybe I have always been able to think about, what is a different way to make this fun? Because I think of the ways that I have fun and the environments that I want to set up. So as scary as it was to make that decision for the community here and in my spaces, I really did not get any pushback. Yeah.
Maureen Benkovich (16:56.132)
Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (17:13.038)
That's good to hear. I think people are becoming more more open to this whole Strowber Curiosity movement and changing your relationship with alcohol when there's more people like me and coaches out there talking about it. So again, I just applaud your decision. Well, how did that choice align with your mission to help women lead with purpose and value?
AliceAnne Loftus (17:18.862)
Mm-hmm.
AliceAnne Loftus (17:32.632)
Well, I just, think we all have clarity when we're together.
Maureen Benkovich (17:36.291)
Yes.
AliceAnne Loftus (17:38.208)
We have clarity and you know, you're, I'm an introvert so I can be very socially awkward. know that sometimes women, people use alcohol to kind of break that. And I'm like, show up, be awkward. I'm awkward. We'll be awkward together. And, and the fact that we can show up authentically and honestly, and just call it out instead of masking it. We're like so deeply connected right away.
Maureen Benkovich (17:48.548)
That's exactly why I used it.
Maureen Benkovich (17:59.61)
Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (18:06.19)
Yes.
AliceAnne Loftus (18:07.47)
It just allows people to like, like exhale, like it's okay. And so I think how it aligns is that I'm inviting people to just show up as they are, you know, be authentic. You don't have to mask yourself. You don't have to, you know, we're going to do it scared. We're going to do it awkward together. This is a safe space. And to me, that just feels very aligned.
Maureen Benkovich (18:20.994)
And be authentic. Yeah. Yeah.
AliceAnne Loftus (18:37.13)
And it is fun. We have a lot of fun together. We have a lot of fun together. And so I just focus on that. I focus on the values of what brings us together and not so much on the fluff and the distraction of what we're really here to do.
Maureen Benkovich (18:40.905)
we do.
Maureen Benkovich (18:55.044)
Mm-hmm.
It is a distraction because of the chemical nature of it. After one or two drinks, the sciences, know, your prefrontal cortex, the decision maker, the responsibility part of your brain, the part you need in business goes offline. And then the animal emotional side shows up, the amygdala. And then, so if you're trying to network with this person about a collaboration or what they're doing in their business and they're not all there, you're not really truly connecting.
AliceAnne Loftus (19:09.9)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
AliceAnne Loftus (19:22.008)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, yeah. And it's made me more thoughtful about what the space has. Like, what are the things in the environment that produce endorphins that, you know, that are emotionally uplifting, that are visually stimulating, you know, interesting to look at. So if you come into any of my physical spaces, you see I always have beautiful, fresh flowers, you know.
Maureen Benkovich (19:46.276)
Mm-hmm.
AliceAnne Loftus (19:53.486)
the way that the food is displayed. It's always fresh and just delicious, you know? I'm a foodie, so it...
Maureen Benkovich (20:01.922)
Yes. Yeah, these meetings guys, great food, gluten-free. We all eat wonderful food and then we break into these meetings and it's just amazing networking and creativity and authenticity and integrity. I've never been a part of anything like this.
AliceAnne Loftus (20:20.686)
thank you, thank you. And gluten-free is just because I actually, have Hashimoto's, so like, it's just easy. yeah, yeah. And not all of our meetings are gluten-free, they're just very whole food oriented, know, very limited ingredients. I just want, when people come into the space, I just want them to feel nourished. And...
Maureen Benkovich (20:23.268)
Yes. And I appreciate that because I have Celiac. Yeah.
Maureen Benkovich (20:38.489)
Yes.
Maureen Benkovich (20:46.776)
Mm-hmm.
AliceAnne Loftus (20:48.77)
Alcohol doesn't nourish you. I don't care how you package it, a watermelon margarita, whatever. It's not nourishment. It's not nourishment. And MySpaces, my programs are created to bring out the absolute best in you and to fill you and encourage you. alcohol just doesn't do that.
Maureen Benkovich (20:57.198)
Yeah.
Maureen Benkovich (21:07.256)
Yes.
Maureen Benkovich (21:14.242)
It doesn't. And again, the science is it's depleting. It depletes your feel-good neurotransmitters. And here you are trying to provide a space that boosts your feel-good neurotransmitters, your creativity, endorphins, your confidence. And alcohol does the exact opposite. Depleting, just as you said. So it's so interesting to hear from a perspective of someone who really wasn't a drinker or isn't a drinker that you observed all this and felt all this. And, you know, now you've taken a step forward and
for your business, for our businesses and said, we're going to do something different.
AliceAnne Loftus (21:45.646)
Yeah, yeah, we're going to do it different. We're here to like lift each other up and fill each other's cup metaphorically, you know, with positive uplifting, nourishing, like you said, creative ways. And that comes naturally to me because that's how I feel my life. And I knew that you can feel good without that. And I just needed to trust that women would
would see that and feel that in this space.
Maureen Benkovich (22:17.432)
Yeah, it allows us to tap into the things that we used to bring us joy before we ever started drinking. The things that we used to be creative about because as you know, we've talked about how alcohol changes your brain chemistry. But so you were able to tap into that because you've always been a person who has felt joy in other areas of life and creativity. So it's just amazing. And do you view it as a courageous decision? Because I do.
AliceAnne Loftus (22:24.098)
Mm-hmm.
AliceAnne Loftus (22:46.382)
Yeah, I think it was courageous in that, because I was afraid. mean, I'll say that a thousand times over. I had fear. I was like, oh gosh, people are going to think my meetings are boring or, you know, that's not fun. Like all the narrative around that, you know? I mean, I'm not going to say that I've never had alcohol at things. I have. And, you know, I...
Maureen Benkovich (23:03.044)
Right, the limiting beliefs.
Maureen Benkovich (23:11.214)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
AliceAnne Loftus (23:16.194)
I've done a lot of things around alcohol. And so I had my own narrative that, gosh, Alison, you're such a prude, you're such a fuddy duddy. Like these meetings aren't gonna be interesting at all to anyone. And I think, yeah, that was scary and it took courage to do it. But the more I leaned into it, the more I realized how aligned it was.
Maureen Benkovich (23:21.08)
Yes.
Maureen Benkovich (23:39.842)
and empowering too.
AliceAnne Loftus (23:41.087)
Mm-hmm, because if that was the narrative I had that I needed to push back and change that narrative.
Maureen Benkovich (23:47.513)
Yeah, the way you presented it at the meeting was, you we don't need this. We are enough in ourselves and we can go further, do more, you know, without this. So I just think it's incredible. Have you seen a shift in the energy of the meetings without alcohol? Have you noticed a difference or just the silent people coming to you and saying thank you?
AliceAnne Loftus (23:51.266)
We don't need it.
AliceAnne Loftus (24:12.654)
Probably just the more of the behind the scenes, like people just saying thank you. you know, I don't not allow other people to have alcohol at their meetings. If that's their choice, they can do that. You know, but I don't carry, like, they have to get the liquor license. They have to carry the responsibility of that. I mean, that's a whole other point.
Maureen Benkovich (24:24.888)
Right.
Maureen Benkovich (24:28.292)
course.
Maureen Benkovich (24:33.966)
Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (24:37.496)
Yes.
AliceAnne Loftus (24:38.446)
you're hosting these meetings, you're not really able to regulate how much other people drink and then they leave. They get in the cars and they drive away. I would never be able to forgive myself if somebody came to one of my events and I didn't realize how much they drank and something terrible happened. mean, that's the reality of it. That is the reality. Yeah. Yeah.
Maureen Benkovich (24:46.755)
and drive.
Maureen Benkovich (24:52.612)
Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (25:05.452)
It is the reality and it's a liability. so again, you just kind of eliminated that whole problem.
AliceAnne Loftus (25:08.334)
Mm-hmm.
I just, well, it's not, now I don't even think about that. I mean, I just don't even think about that. Did somebody leave my space impaired? And I would say it's given me just a whole lot more peace.
Maureen Benkovich (25:25.25)
Yeah, which is, you know, invaluable. Yeah. I mean, we might eat a little bit of extra, what are those bowls that are in there? The acai bowls, which is great. I mean, this place is stocked with all the other wonderful things. Yeah. Yeah.
AliceAnne Loftus (25:29.044)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
AliceAnne Loftus (25:41.154)
I mean, that's the other thing. Alcohol is expensive. Alcohol is expensive. And I'd much rather put that money into things that nourish you. And people are like, man, that really felt good to have. Yeah.
Maureen Benkovich (25:50.467)
Yeah.
Maureen Benkovich (25:55.075)
Yeah, it's great. I've used the space, recorded some podcasts there and in between got one out and got my coffee and cappuccino and, you know, chat it with people. Yeah, it's a wonderful space and not having alcohol. I find it a relief too. So I do appreciate that. How would you share with other business leaders, you know, who might be curious but hesitant about stepping away from alcohol at their events?
AliceAnne Loftus (26:20.812)
You know, it's not, I think we put this in the title, it's not about the alcohol, it's about the intention. And so if you're worried about how you're gonna fill that without alcohol, go back to what are you offering? What are the objectives of what you're offering? Is your, know, are you throwing a party or are you throwing something of value? Are you putting together or offering something of value? We're going to get resources from you, tangible things that they can put.
and apply to their lives and their businesses. So go back to your intention. You're hosting a workshop or an event. What is the intention behind it and what are you wanting people to walk away from? And if you're feeling like alcohol is missing from there, I would say go back to what are you really offering?
Maureen Benkovich (26:55.012)
you
Maureen Benkovich (27:10.36)
Yeah, which is really what you did when you were having those doubts and you said, wait a minute, what is my goal? What am I offering? Do you believe in your offers? I think that's big piece of it.
AliceAnne Loftus (27:14.698)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Yeah, do you believe in it? And do you feel like you're offering enough? You know, I've never had anyone leave a workshop and be like, golly, that was so boring. I can't believe there wasn't even a cocktail. I've never, ever, ever, at least never heard of it. I hope no one's ever thought it, but the feedback I've always gotten is, wow, that was...
Maureen Benkovich (27:25.273)
Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (27:44.29)
Mm-hmm. Yes.
AliceAnne Loftus (27:44.76)
so full of value. I connected with so many incredible people. That was beautiful. I felt so special being there. And so I'm like, yeah, I'm hitting the mark. yeah, if you're worried about whether or not you're hitting the mark or if people are leaving your events feeling like, I really got something out of that, I promise you alcohol is not the answer. That's not what they're searching for. Yeah.
Maureen Benkovich (27:57.656)
You are.
Maureen Benkovich (28:12.164)
Right. Yeah. Yeah. Because we do lots of interesting exercises and interact with each other and there's vulnerability and there's sharing and again, connectivity. And I would think as a business owner, if you're thinking you need alcohol to rely on alcohol to improve those meetings, to do some soul searching, like you said, like, well, what is, what is my, really my goal here? What am I trying to provide?
AliceAnne Loftus (28:32.94)
Yeah. And if you're feeling that when you're attending something, you know, if you're feeling that social anxiety, if you're feeling like you don't belong or you're not getting what you need, you might be in the wrong group, you know, or maybe there's some work to do with your relationship there. Are you using that to mask some underlying things that are preventing you from really showing up as your best self?
Maureen Benkovich (28:51.532)
Mm-hmm.
Yes.
Maureen Benkovich (28:59.972)
Yeah, that's so insightful of you because that's exactly what I was doing. I was not confident enough in myself. So I would use alcohol to become more vocal, more social, but I wasn't always saying like, you know, coherent, wise, authentic things and then regretting things the next day, things I said or text. And that certainly is not a good feeling. No.
AliceAnne Loftus (29:03.406)
Mm-hmm.
AliceAnne Loftus (29:08.387)
Mm-hmm.
AliceAnne Loftus (29:19.96)
Wow. that doesn't feel good. I'll share this one story. I had a holiday party for, this was years ago, I had a holiday party for one of my businesses and one of the people at the party drank way too much and was really inappropriate and spent weeks trying to recover from that. And I, as the employer thought,
Maureen Benkovich (29:46.019)
Mmm.
AliceAnne Loftus (29:49.63)
I felt horrible that she was in that situation. You know, that wouldn't have happened if I hadn't served alcohol. And that stuck with me when I was thinking about, this the right thing to do? I think of all the times alcohol made things weird or awkward. Yeah.
Maureen Benkovich (30:02.916)
Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (30:08.856)
Mm-hmm. yeah. I can, you know, recount more than I want to. Yeah.
AliceAnne Loftus (30:15.362)
Yeah, but she, I mean, I think to this day, she probably thinks that I look at her different from how she lived at that party. And I try to say like, hey, that was forever ago, you know, but I know that she has to live with that.
Maureen Benkovich (30:29.262)
Yes, yeah, and it's a really hard thing to live with. But if you can use those experiences to say, do I want to be that person? Do I want to show up that way? And if I don't, if it doesn't feel good, how can I change? How can I change my relationship with alcohol? So really good stories and perspective. Another thing you shared with me and another woman in our group who was never a drinker and actually for the same reasons, Filipino background doesn't process it well.
AliceAnne Loftus (30:34.638)
Mm-hmm.
AliceAnne Loftus (30:44.184)
Yeah.
AliceAnne Loftus (30:55.213)
Thank you.
Maureen Benkovich (30:57.16)
You both shared with me, yet you experienced pressure to drink and like you just said, sometimes you would buy a cocktail just to have it in your hand, just to stop the pressure. And I never thought of that from being a drinker perspective.
AliceAnne Loftus (31:10.786)
Mm-hmm. Yeah, when my husband and I first got married, I remember going to this neighborhood party, like all the time, this family hosted up neighborhood, like get together all the time. I swear there was a corner plant that probably drank more than anybody because I would pour my wine into that. It probably very expensive wine that I was pouring into, but I just couldn't do it. But the host would not take no for an answer.
Maureen Benkovich (31:27.62)
That's so funny.
Maureen Benkovich (31:33.325)
Yeah.
Maureen Benkovich (31:39.448)
Right. Yeah, because that's a reflection on them. That's the strange thing.
AliceAnne Loftus (31:40.398)
Right? Yeah, no, you gotta try this wine, Alicene. This is a really light, airy wine. This isn't, and I'm like, yeah, but, you Yeah, and I was so young then too. You know, it hadn't really acquired a taste for wine. But a lot of pressure. Some of my girlfriends, I'd show up to brunch and I'm like, I'm not drinking today. They're like, we're not drinking, it's just champagne.
Maureen Benkovich (31:51.204)
You
Maureen Benkovich (32:06.66)
This is an alcohol champagne. Yeah.
AliceAnne Loftus (32:09.87)
Champagne, that doesn't count, know, things like that. And I want to be authentic and say, it's not that I never drink. Not that I never drink. But I've just never been someone who drinks a lot.
Maureen Benkovich (32:17.636)
Mm-hmm. Right. I am now, I know that.
Maureen Benkovich (32:25.838)
Yeah, you're on that spectrum that I talk about, alcohol use disorder, you are down in the unicorn category. And why? Because you never tied alcohol to stress, trauma, depression, anxiety, celebration. It was never a big deal for you. You can take it or leave it. And that's the hardest thing for people who got to the point like I did in drinking. Everybody when they first come to me says, I want to become a take it or leave it drinker. But the truth is, if you already
AliceAnne Loftus (32:42.328)
Yeah. Yeah.
AliceAnne Loftus (32:53.069)
Yeah.
Maureen Benkovich (32:55.268)
and you've lit up and built these neural pathways over time, the reality of going back to being a take it or leave it drinker is very slim. And they look at someone like you and say, well, how come she can do it? Well, there's a whole host of reasons why. From modeling in childhood, growing up, the fact that you just don't process it and digest it well, there's so many reasons.
AliceAnne Loftus (33:04.438)
Yeah.
AliceAnne Loftus (33:16.212)
I feel so sick. It literally takes me two to three business days to recover from even just one glass of wine. I just cannot metabolize it. And I used to think that that was just my life. That that was the cost of going out with friends and that was the cost of, you know, having a glass of wine at dinner. That was just my life and I needed to accept that. don't know why I just didn't consider, just don't order it.
Maureen Benkovich (33:20.664)
Mm hmm. Yeah.
Maureen Benkovich (33:44.107)
Yeah, because there's enormous pressure, like you said, and also, you know, we get these doubts and concerns like, won't be any fun, what will people think? We get that honestly because of all the advertising we are inundated with from everywhere, from books, movies, commercials, constantly that fun, fit, healthy, happy, successful, sophisticated people drink. You know, that's the messaging.
AliceAnne Loftus (33:46.894)
Mm-hmm.
AliceAnne Loftus (33:57.422)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
AliceAnne Loftus (34:06.892)
Yeah, yeah. My husband recently, probably within the last year, has stopped drinking. Like, not 100%, but he was definitely like a glass of wine a night guy, wine with dinner, a beer at a cookout, you know? He's also a unicorn. I don't think I've ever seen my husband in the 25 years we've been together. I've never seen him intoxicated. Like, he just light drink.
Maureen Benkovich (34:14.708)
Mm. Mm-hmm.
AliceAnne Loftus (34:33.582)
But he's getting older and he says, you know, I gotta stay sharp. I want to stay healthy. I'm putting poison in my body. That's opposite. That's opposite. And just from that, even the little drinker that he was, taking that even back more, I've seen such an improvement in his health.
Maureen Benkovich (34:35.204)
Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (34:44.822)
It's a toxin. I mean, it's a carcinogen. It's a toxin. Yeah.
AliceAnne Loftus (35:02.478)
you know, he's able to keep up with his workouts, he's adding workouts, he's getting stronger, he's building more muscle mass. And my husband's 65, so you know, things deteriorate faster.
Maureen Benkovich (35:17.784)
Yes, We deteriorate faster, we're already losing muscle and alcohol affects muscle protein synthesis or the ability to build muscle. So you're just making it that much harder.
AliceAnne Loftus (35:29.238)
Yeah, he's like, I want I don't want to work against myself. Like I'm doing all of these things to stay active and sharp and fit. Why would I work against myself in that? And he loves it. He's thrilled.
Maureen Benkovich (35:43.843)
Yeah, and that's about values, right? He values his health. He values how he wants to feel being sharp, getting better as he ages. And a lot of times when you get to a point where I was, you're compromising your values and that doesn't feel good to live out of alignment with your values.
AliceAnne Loftus (36:01.782)
Yeah. And we have young adult kids. They're seeing how we're responding to this, that we're not falling into those pressures, that we're actually aligning ourselves with our values. And, you know, they're young. Everybody around them is drinking. mean, good gosh, my daughter went to an SEC school. Like, she's like, you know. But we're having those conversations with them too. And they're like, actually, I don't think I like this. I don't...
Maureen Benkovich (36:05.06)
Mm.
Maureen Benkovich (36:14.233)
right.
Maureen Benkovich (36:20.003)
Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (36:23.95)
Right.
Maureen Benkovich (36:30.414)
Hmm.
AliceAnne Loftus (36:30.99)
think that's for me either and I'm okay I thought and my daughter said the same thing she's like I just thought that was everybody felt sick after after that and I'm like no you probably can't digest it like me.
Maureen Benkovich (36:40.772)
Right? Yeah. Yeah, because people with an Asian background have less of the enzyme to break down alcohol. And yet you're about the third person I heard who said, I tried to drink it because I thought I could train myself to drink it.
AliceAnne Loftus (36:47.682)
Mm-hmm. Yeah. So...
AliceAnne Loftus (36:54.646)
Yeah, I'm like, just drink more. Yeah, just drink more. Just, just, my friends would say, that's because you don't have a tolerance to it yet, Alessia. Build up, up. Like you have to train for it. I'm training so that I could drink more. So, you know, when you say that, to say those things out loud, you're like, what? This doesn't make any sense at all. Yeah.
Maureen Benkovich (37:04.238)
You have to build it up like a muscle. Yeah, yeah.
Isn't it crazy?
Maureen Benkovich (37:20.204)
And I used to think tolerance was a good thing, but it's actually the body's way of protecting itself. So it's trying to counter this chemical change that's happening. And so having a tolerance is not a good thing. Yeah. You know.
AliceAnne Loftus (37:24.942)
Bye.
AliceAnne Loftus (37:31.936)
Yeah. So I don't know. just thank you for having these conversations. Thanks for standing up for that because it made me, it made the questions I had in my head, like it validated it and it gave me the courage to like really step into that and really evaluate like, I doing things because that's what everybody else is doing or am I doing things because that's what's aligned with me? And so I don't think I would have done that hadn't.
had I not met you.
Maureen Benkovich (38:02.778)
thank you for telling me that. Thank you. I really appreciate that. Because there are some days I'm like, what are you doing, Maureen? You're like going against the grain. You know, but I keep being drawn forward. And when I hear something like what you just said, that's like, okay, that's why you're doing this. Because it's about, it's not about morality or people being weak-willed. It's about changing your relationship with alcohol for the health of it, for your mental health, physical health, spiritual health.
AliceAnne Loftus (38:04.696)
Mm-hmm.
AliceAnne Loftus (38:08.182)
Yeah.
AliceAnne Loftus (38:11.726)
you
AliceAnne Loftus (38:19.555)
Yeah.
AliceAnne Loftus (38:28.77)
Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (38:32.098)
business health, all of those things. You and you inspired me because you, you were the one who kind of encouraged me like, hey, you should be like public speaking about this and doing more with it. So I love how we're, which is exactly what you created this space for is to feed off of each other and to encourage each other.
AliceAnne Loftus (38:33.1)
Business health.
AliceAnne Loftus (38:53.484)
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And you know, there's never any judgment. We're all on our own journeys and doing our own thing. And I just wanted to have a space that was aligned with me and took pressure off me and gave me peace of mind. I realizing that it actually created like a big sigh of relief for a lot of our members. know, every now and then a little
Maureen Benkovich (38:57.792)
Mm-hmm. Yes.
Maureen Benkovich (39:07.076)
Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (39:14.335)
Mm. Yes.
AliceAnne Loftus (39:19.432)
monster voice comes to my head like people are gonna be saying don't join that group they don't even drink alcohol well number one it's not entirely true other people can have alcohol at their events but number two if you're not joining my meetings because we don't have alcohol that's that's not really a me problem yeah
Maureen Benkovich (39:28.11)
Yeah, they do.
Maureen Benkovich (39:38.136)
Yeah, that's right. That's right. Because why do we join your meetings? Because we want to get better. We want to run successful, sustainable, value-based businesses, which is your whole motto.
AliceAnne Loftus (39:44.078)
You want to?
AliceAnne Loftus (39:48.878)
Yeah, it's my whole thing. And I want to do that with a clear mind. And yeah, so.
Maureen Benkovich (39:55.588)
Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (39:59.321)
Yeah, I want to make it clear what you said too. I have no judgment either. I was a big drinker. So the last thing I do is judge anybody who wants to drink and doesn't have any issue with it. The people I work with and coach are the people who feel really terrible about their drinking, who inside are struggling, who silently feel so much shame. Those are the people that I like to help and discover their passion for living again and their ability to do amazing things. So, you know, again, no judgment. I hope I always try to make that clear.
AliceAnne Loftus (40:14.318)
Yeah.
Maureen Benkovich (40:29.84)
when I share with people.
AliceAnne Loftus (40:31.212)
think you do. I really think you do. you know, it's just a great reminder to us all is that we really don't know what other people are going through. And so if there's a way for us to remove pressures or make people feel isolated or maybe hesitant to come because they don't feel safe, I'm going to do what I can to mitigate that.
Maureen Benkovich (40:40.825)
Yes.
Maureen Benkovich (40:48.366)
Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (40:54.434)
Yeah, and you're doing exactly what you stand for. have how many books that are called We Lead now? Three?
AliceAnne Loftus (40:59.406)
So we have two WeLead books. Our third book comes out in November. And really excited about that.
Maureen Benkovich (41:06.658)
Yes, tell us a little bit about that, what the We Lead book series, I guess, is about.
AliceAnne Loftus (41:09.742)
For the Weebly books, they are collaborative books. Each book has between 15 to 25 authors that have each contributed their story. And then each chapter ends with a tool or a practice that our readers can immediately apply to their life or their business. And it's really meant to just share our stories so that if our story can help somebody else who's
you know, maybe traveling in a similar path or, you know, trying to overcome something or handle something. The beauty of communities is we've all either been through it or going through it or will go through it. And we are not meant to do this alone. And I truly believe that it's it's not only, you know, something we can do, but it's it's actually our like obligation that if you are a woman that has learned something that has enhanced or elevated your life.
Maureen Benkovich (41:52.749)
Right.
Maureen Benkovich (42:01.028)
Mm-hmm.
AliceAnne Loftus (42:07.5)
The best thing you can do with that is turn around and share it with the woman behind you. Because we all rise by lifting each other. And so I love the collaborative books because they, you know, I only know my story, my perspective, but the books bring in the voices of so many women and their stories and how they've gotten to be where they are. And I think that people, that you need to hear what other people have been through.
Maureen Benkovich (42:11.608)
Yes.
Maureen Benkovich (42:28.292)
Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (42:37.624)
Yeah, it'll help inspire you. And I mean, that's exactly what I'm doing. What I went through, I'm now turning it around and trying to help others. And this is a very supportive group. The women all support each other. And sometimes in the culture of women, that can be the opposite case where it's people, cutting each other down. This is different. This is supporting, growing and leading together. So really an amazing thing.
AliceAnne Loftus (42:39.468)
Mm-hmm.
AliceAnne Loftus (42:57.838)
We are not against each other. We are for each other. And I think the community really lives that.
Maureen Benkovich (43:03.577)
Mm-hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (43:09.41)
Yeah. And you live it as the leader. And so we lead guys, check out these books. How can they find you, Aliceanne? Anybody who would want to look into the collective? Yes.
AliceAnne Loftus (43:18.806)
Yeah, I'm really active on Instagram. You can check me out there. Leading dash or leading period lady, period coach, and you can join my Facebook group. have over 7000 women leaders and entrepreneurs in there. You don't have to be a business owner. You can be, you know, just the leader of your life to be in there. And that's leading ladies with Alice and Loftus on Facebook. It's a private group. You can check out my podcast.
Maureen Benkovich (43:32.152)
Wow.
Maureen Benkovich (43:46.265)
Yes.
AliceAnne Loftus (43:46.286)
the Leads Lady podcast. And I have my book, Take the Lead, which came out in 2022. And then the two We Lead books in 23, 24, and the third one coming out in 25. Whew, it's been a big couple of years. So lots of ways to connect. We do have the Leading Lady Business Hub, which is an online community. You can be anywhere in the world and be part of it. It's 40 bucks a month. I mean, good gracious.
Maureen Benkovich (43:59.252)
Amazing. Yeah. Yeah.
Maureen Benkovich (44:08.388)
That's what was gonna say.
Mm-hmm.
AliceAnne Loftus (44:15.854)
And you get a live coaching call every Monday with that membership and just a library of resources from the community to help you wherever you are in your leadership journey.
Maureen Benkovich (44:29.506)
Yeah, all the resources are amazing. They'll be in the show notes. So I want to thank you so much for coming on Sober Fit Life. And I do like to always ask people, what do you do to be sober fit or just fit?
AliceAnne Loftus (44:33.294)
wonderful.
AliceAnne Loftus (44:40.238)
What do I do to be sober fit? Gosh, what a great question. I just fill my life with things that feel good. I really do, I do. I'm doing this gratitude challenge right now and it's making me so aware of how great things are, even when it doesn't feel great. There's always a positive in it and that's what I do. I look for the good in every day.
Maureen Benkovich (44:51.108)
that fill you up.
Maureen Benkovich (45:01.796)
Hmm.
Maureen Benkovich (45:08.536)
Yeah, you really do. I really see that in you. You are authentic. You live what you preach and teach and lead. So thank you so much. And I'm glad to be a part of your group. And thank you again for being a guest on SilverFitLife.
AliceAnne Loftus (45:20.418)
Thank you, Maureen. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Maureen Benkovich (45:23.663)
me find how to.
