Maureen Benkovich (00:01.112)
Welcome back to Sober Fit Life. And today we are going to talk about a sneaky trigger that often catches people by surprise, even if they haven't been drinking for a long time. And that trigger is called boredom. And I bet you can relate. So if you're a person who's trying to cut back or take a break from alcohol or you haven't been drinking, sometimes boredom pops in and you think, maybe I'll have a drink. So let's talk about what happens. Cause clients often tell me, I wasn't sad, I wasn't stressed, I was just bored.
And suddenly I found myself thinking about drinking. And I get that because I've been there too. Boredom used to be one of my biggest triggers. Not because I was like dying for a drink, but because my brain didn't know what else to do with that weird restlessness, the nothingness. So today we're going to call boredom out. We're going to talk about why it's not a harmless trigger and it's good to identify it, how it tricks your brain into chasing old habits like drinking and what you can do instead.
because there's actually a lot of power hiding in that uncomfortable space of boredom. So boredom isn't just nothing to do. It is a trigger in disguise. So we'll clear that up. It doesn't mean you're lazy, but it's your brain looking for stimulation. It's literally scrolling through the mental Rolodex of your mind for something to light it up. And if drinking used to be your go-to dopamine source,
Well, guess what? When boredom hits, your brain's gonna tap you on the shoulder a lot and say, hey, remember how fun wine used to be? Let's do that because we're bored. It's sneaky, right? It's not really obvious. Sometimes people know that they're feeling really stressed or there was a difficult situation. That's more obvious. Boredom is sneaky. It shows up often in the quiet moments, like post big event, sort of anticlimactic.
post-workout sometimes. Sunday afternoons, and I'm convinced this is where Sunday Fun Day was born because people get bored and that's where drinking happens. It's that awkward space when you're not doing much and your brain starts poking you with a stick and it's uncomfortable. And we do not like to be uncomfortable. Your brain doesn't want you to be uncomfortable and it remembers drinking and reminds you to do that. So that's that craving.
Maureen Benkovich (02:30.132)
And here's the other thing about boredom. Often we think it's just from the outside, you know, repetitive routines or too much free time, which it definitely can be. But a lot of times it comes from the inside, like a lack of motivation, a sense of meaninglessness, a sense of purposelessness. You know, that feeling like, I don't know what I'm doing with my life. And that is a very uncomfortable feeling and alcohol loves to sneak right in there.
when you're questioning those things to encourage you to not question those things and not feel that. So I'll give you an example of when I was drinking, this story sticks with me when I would drink out of boredom, specifically when I would go to boat shows. We live in an area where there's a lot of water, a lot of boats, and these massive boats come in. And these are things I would never buy a boat. I'm not going to buy a boat. I'm not going to captain a boat. I don't...
have a million dollars to spend on a boat. But I would go because it was a nice day and on the water. But I would get bored, you know, after looking at anchors and I don't know whatever else you call them. I'd be ready to go. But everybody wanted to keep looking. And so there's free champagne on these yachts. In Annapolis, at the boat shows, they sell these drinks called painkillers. And I would drink, you one of those because I wanted to kill the pain.
because I was bored and I didn't want to feel bored. We don't like that. Not in this world where we have constant stimulation. But what would then happen is I'd either keep drinking and that didn't end well by the end of the night and then I beat myself up the next day. Like, what were you thinking? Or if I did happen to stop drinking after the boat show I'd be tired for the rest of day. So what was really going on was
It wasn't just boredom. It's just, I was not prepared. I already knew going into this situation, I wasn't a big boat show person, but I didn't have a plan for what I would do when I started to feel bored, that awkward lull, because I couldn't just leave. It was a situation where I had to wait for other people. But I didn't know how to sit with that boredom. I only knew how to numb it. That was the only thing I knew how to do. And right there, that's the danger. So the reason it sneaks up on us is because we treat
Maureen Benkovich (04:53.73)
boredom like it's no big deal. But when you're trying not to drink or you don't want to drink or in sobriety, it can be a huge red flag waving right in your face. Not because boredom in itself is a bad thing, but because it creates this space and we are just not used to having this uncomfortable space. And your brain will want you to turn to alcohol because it's easy and it's quick and it's fast and it's numbing. So the awareness is huge here about when you're bored.
and what might really be going on. So first we want to reframe it. We want to flip that script. The boredom can actually be a gift if we allow it. If boredom starts to come on and we allow the space, we let it happen, we actually lean into it, allow what is here, on the other side of that is possibility and opportunity and ideas. Some of the best ideas in the world have happened because someone got bored.
Here's your classic example, Sir Isaac Newton stuck at home with the plague, couldn't get out, saw an apple fall from a tree, the concept of gravity was born. True story. So being bored gives your brain the breathing room to make new connections, new pathways, ask different questions, imagine different paths. Only if we don't smother it or numb it or distract it first, if we allow the boredom. So,
What can you do when boredom comes on? You know, if you're aware of it, first of all, you can be aware by being mindful, have a check-in and ask yourself, what's really going on here? Am I bored or is it low-level, low-key anxiety? Am I feeling lonely? Am I feeling hungry? I often have people go through a halt exercise, H-A-L-T. Am I hungry, angry, lonely, tired?
So the H stands for hungry and also hydration. Because a lot of times when we are not hydrated properly, we crave alcohol. And if we're angry and of course depression can go under that category too, frustrated, then we're looking to numb it. If we're lonely, we need connection and alcohol is so disconnecting. And if we're tired, we need rest and alcohol does not provide good rest. But going through that mindfulness check-in, so you can really address
Maureen Benkovich (07:21.538)
what's going on will help you to stay present. And then also another tool you can use is to interrupt the autopilot. Once you're aware and before your brain drags you back into that old habit of pouring the drink, you want to interrupt the loop. You want to move your body. You want to call a friend. You want to change your scenery. Small shifts equal big reset. And we want to redirect. This is a redirect, right? So instead of just going the old habit,
pouring the wine, numbing out for the rest of the night. You want to redirect. You can even try this next time. Take an ice pack or a nice cold towel and put it on the back of your neck. That will change your physiological state that will regulate your central nervous system because that's what we're looking for with alcohol is to change the physiological state. So instead, doing it with something healthy will help you so much more and for longer term. So interrupt the autopilot.
Here is a fun activity you can try. It's going to sound like a kindergarten craft project, but I think adults will like it too. So you take a jar and you're going to call it your boredom jar. And on a day when you're feeling good, not in the middle of being bored, but on a day when you're feeling good, write down on little pieces of paper, 20 ideas of things that you would like to do or try, something you've had on your mind, a project, something small, right? Not massive. Something that might bring you joy.
challenge you or make you feel alive and just toss them in the jar. Next time boredom rolls in, instead of opening the wine cabinet, pull out one of those and just do it. Just be curious, just do it, give it a whirl and see what happens if that doesn't change your emotional state because boredom is an emotion. So you can change your emotional state with that redirect and a fun thing, you're gamifying it, right? You're going to be curious and you're going to try. Another toolkit that is so important.
Another tool that is so important to put in our toolkit, I should say, is structure, especially on the weekends. Unscheduled time for someone who is taking a break from alcohol can definitely get you in that danger zone, that what the hell zone, that screw it, right? So structure is so important. Build a loose framework. I'm not saying pack your weekend because structure can include rest because maybe that's what your body really needs.
Maureen Benkovich (09:46.326)
Remember, when you are first stopping alcohol from stopping putting this toxin in your body, your brain and your body are actually healing and healing takes energy. So you might need rest. So just go ahead and build that in your structure and allow it, feel it, know, receive it. And plan movement, plan connection, something that's not revolving around alcohol, something creative. So we know if you use
your creativity that taps into those feel-good neurotransmitters and again will change your physiological state. So think of it this way, tapping into creativity, think of healthy ING activities, things that end in ING that are healthy. Okay, we know the unhealthy ones are drinking, smoking, scrolling, gambling, right? Stay away from those, but think of walking, reading, writing, dancing, singing, cooking, gardening. You can probably think of loads more.
but healthy ING activities will again change your physiological state for the positive and have much longer lasting beneficial effects than a glass of wine or a bottle. So if I could go back and talk to myself, my earlier younger drinking self, there were many things I would say, but if I was talking to myself about boredom, you know, while I was on that yacht, bored, sipping warm champagne that I didn't even like,
I would say, you're not broke and you're just bored and that's okay, but let's learn how to deal with it in a different way instead of numbing it. Because sobriety or an alcohol-free lifestyle is not just about removing alcohol, it's about filling your life with better things, more aligned things. And sometimes that means learning how to be okay with some quiet and know that on the other side of that amazing things can happen.
Check it out for yourself. Be curious. So the next time you find yourself bored, pacing, heading towards the wine cabinet, pause. The pause is so important. And ask yourself, go through that exercise. What do I really need right now? That's that mindfulness check-in. And you can think of halt, hungry, angry, lonely, tired. Go through that exercise and then go do that. If you're hungry,
Maureen Benkovich (12:05.76)
Eat something with protein specifically. Do that on purpose and with intention. Or if you're lonely, reach out to somebody with intention. Pet your dog, walk your dog, get outside. Do it with intention, not out of habit, which is what drinking is. A mindless habit to numb and not feel. And make that boredom jar, put some fun stuff in it. Put some things in there that you've been wanting to do. Learn a magic trick. Try a yoga pose.
something you might fall out of that yoga pose, but you're trying it and it will change your physiological state for the better. So it doesn't matter, you're just engaging with your life instead of disconnecting. Remember, alcohol is disconnecting. We want you to connect with your life instead of numbing from it. So you are not boring, alcohol-free living is not boring. This is just new. It's a new season and it takes practice. So let boredom be your cue
to build something better, something longer lasting, something you can feel really good about. So if boredom is a trigger for you and you're finding you commonly end up drinking and you want to talk about it, reach out to me, free discovery call. I get it. I've been there. I understand how it can happen and we can talk. And if this episode hit home for you, share it with a friend who might need it. And you can DM me on my Instagram, SoberFitChick LLC.
and DM me your ideas for a boredom jar. Keep it clean, but I want to hear it. Thanks again for hanging out with me today on Sober Fit Life.
